Kenner Is Still Talking To Me

I am getting older - loss and deterioration is going to be an increasingly larger part of my life.
I'm trying to balance the physical facts of aging with the psychology of aging.  Ken lived in a Catholic retirement community and he went to the funerals whenever a resident died, whether or not he knew them well.  

"I go to a lot more funerals these days than christenings," he chuckled.

That guy never bitched about getting older.  He did it with dignity, not screaming into the dark abyss like me.

Ken, mom, and dad - I'm open to letting my grief manifest itself.  I'm not demanding it show itself and I'm not going to get mad at it.

I release my anxiety into the universe.  I will learn how to sit quietly with my anxiety.  It isn't my enemy.  It isn't trying to kill me.  It just wants to be heard.

My brain has always been a problem.

Hello, anxiety - good morning.

Synonyms for resilient - bendable, flexible, strong.  Antonyms - brittle, fragile.  I think the idea is to keep getting up off the mat, refusing to succumb to negative thinking.  I say again - it takes on a life of its own, that negative shit.