Peace Frog

While Day Two did not contain any of the drama of Day One it did show me how far I've come, or how far I still have to go; I'm not sure which.  I was blasting along, humming a jaunty, merry tune, traveling about 10% above the speed limit.  I do this as a routine practice because I'm Special Seaweed, a driver of such uncommon talent that normal traffic laws don't apply to me,  so if I happen to be stopped for a traffic violation - such as exceeding the speed limit - you can easily understand that the anger I feel is completely justified.  I grouch and I brainstorm, and I'm permitted to do so. 

I noticed a peace officer parked by the side of the speedway,  shooting video pictures of the cars zipping by.  I tapped my brakes to slow down when I was about 100 from his patrol car, a clever move meant to defeat his radar that I'm sure is effective half a mile away.  Nonetheless, he lets me pass.

I keep my eye on him in the rear view mirror.  I'm a drunk - I have a lot of experience keeping my eye on cops in the rear view mirror because they were there so often.  I watch him pull out and blow by several intervening cars, settle in behind me, and flick on his lights.

"Ah, this takes me back," I thought.

So be it.  I've gotten a few driving certificates in sobriety - none in several years - and I've deserved each and every one of them.    It sure is nice to have car insurance and a valid driver's license, good brakes and tires and working headlights, and a complete lack of empty beer cans, full whiskey bottles, spent joints, and coke residue in the passenger compartment.

The cop comes up and I hand him my license.

"The reason I stopped you, sir," he said.  "Is that you don't have a front license plate on your car.  Why is that? "

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I replied.  "Has my life come to this?  No DUI, no public intoxication, no drunk and disorderly, no felony possession?  A license plate violation?  You fucking stopped me for a license plate violation?"

Frankly, I was a little offended.  I've fallen a long way or I've made a lot of progress, I can't remember which.

He let me off with a warning.  He didn't even do me the courtesy of writing up the ticket.