Hard

Hard:  Severe; harsh; unfriendly; brutal.

My sponsor rang me up on the telephone yesterday.  He was reading a book on spirituality and one of the chapters made him think about me - he told me the name of the book and the specific chapter.

"You should go buy this book and read this," he said.  "You're too hard on yourself."

Man, he should have seen me 20 years ago.  I was positively self-homicidal.  I had a trunk full of whips and chains and that weapon that looks like a bowling ball with spikes on it, and I used these items on my own hide each and every day.  With relish.  I've always said that if someone treated me the way I treat myself I'd pop 'em in the nose, and I've never hit anyone, ever.

You might be tempted to ask:  "Why was your sponsor calling you?"  To which I'd reply: "That's an excellent question," avoiding any good explanation.    But the point is that I need to talk to other people because I can't always see what kind of spot I'm wedged into.  I think I'm doing OK but all I'm doing is bullshitting myself.