Contingent Seaweed

Contingency:  A possibility; something which may or may not happen.

So we received an offer on our little condominium, and it was just fine and perfectly acceptable, meaning I wasted a lot of time projecting something that didn't happen, one of my most favorite-ist pastimes  It was a bit less than we wanted to get and a bit more than we would have settled for so we signed the paperwork and sent it back to the buyers.  In The Old City there was always some negotiation back and forth on the final price for a piece of real estate - possibly so that both sides can get bitchy and irritable and feel put upon in equal measure.  In the remarkably polite New City the seller sets a price and the buyer pays close to that price or moves on to another property.  Our buyers, with their "not perfect" offer, sent us a note justifying why they were offering less than exactly what we wanted - it was a long, well-researched tome with references and pictures and points.  I personally didn't even read it.  Maybe SuperK did - I really don't know.  You'd have to ask her.  Buy the condo or don't buy it is my analysis - don't waste my time whining otherwise.

The contract we sent back had a couple of minor changes - "contingencies" in the circular semantics of real estate logic - which the buyers had the right to accept or reject.  A contingency can be anything.  It can be very reasonable or you can make something up to screw around with the other person and muck up the whole process.  Adding a contingency can be a little scary because it alters the original signed offer or contract and gives the buyers the ability to say: "Well, go screw yourself because we changed our mind."  Plus, the person receiving the contract with the contingency - it can be either the buyer or the seller; anyone can pluck contingencies out of the thin air to annoy the other party - has a certain period of time to reply to the contingency.  All of this dialogue is channeled through the two real estate agents primarily so there are like 400 people involved and it all becomes very complicated and slow.  It reminds me of two people arguing and asking a mutual friend to pass along the message, even though everyone is sitting right there.  "SuperK, could you tell Suburban Bill that he's really acting like an ass?  And to please pass the salsa?"  

The buyers had until noon today to respond to our particular contingencies and their real estate agent called our real estate agent at 11:59.  I'm not making this up.  If I wanted to be a total dick - which I do so often I'm embarrassed to give you an exact percentage - this is what I would have done.  It was a Dick Move of impressive proportions.  Either that or they went golfing and forgot to do it.  I have to remember that other people are thinking about me as much as I'm thinking about them, which is never.  In my mind these people are deliberately trying to annoy me; in reality they're almost certainly not thinking about me at all.

How could you not think about me?  There aren't enough hours in the day for me to think about myself so I need all the outside help I can get.  Good thoughts, bad thoughts, I don't care as long as you're thinking about me.  Just don't ask me to think about you because that ain't happening.

The kicker is that they added a couple of little pissy things onto the contract, things that could easily have been on the original contract.  I started to get annoyed.  I could feel my ego start to bubble up.  When my sexual gratification or my money is being tampered with I'm clear as to what is going on - when my ego gets tweaked I'm not so sure what's going on.  I think that I've gotten my ego in check until my ego gets tweaked.  I can tell when I start doing things that may harm myself because I don't want someone else to get something over on me.  

I'm my own personal suicide bomber.