There is a whole shitload of "waits" in that definition.
Throughout the condo selling process I have supplemented my regular writing - my "Can you believe how bad I have it?" writing - with a daily log of my thinking, fears, projections of likely and/or preferred outcomes, my desires, etc. It's kind of a running commentary of insanity in action.
It has been a blast reading it from time to time to check my progress in dealing with life. It's amazing to see how much divergence there is between what I think will happen and what actually happens. The results are totally all over the place. Sometimes I get exactly what I want and this works out well and sometimes I get exactly what I want and it blows up in my face. I have to watch what I pray for because I have no idea what's best for me. Other times I'm thwarted and stymied and frustrated and then I see that it was all for the beat. I didn't get what I wanted because it wasn't the best thing for me.
"Thank god I didn't get that," I say, relieved. It's only in retrospect that I can see what I wanted wasn't even in my best interests.
It's not unusual for me to see how my thinking evolves when I'm not in such a hurry to get what I think I need. I'm impatient for everything to work out how I want it to work out when I want it to work out, but if I wait solutions present themselves. Good solutions, not the crap I come up with. In reality all I can do is move forward, trying to do god's will to the best of my ability, staying the course when things seem right and changing tack when they don't. There's a lot of patient waiting required.
Not my strong suit.
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