As a guy who is fascinated by change I wonder why it is that I hate change so much. I crave it as much as I fear it. And I wonder why it is that I assume that any change is going to be for the worse. I almost never visualize things getting better when I'm in the midst of change - I see disaster, calamity, pestilence bewilderment. But if I'm looking at long-term change then I can hallucinate up all kinds of wonderful scenarios.
I wonder why I expect bad things to happen and grow deeply suspicious when I'm in the midst of good things. When something bad happens - and by "bad" I mean "I didn't get exactly what I wanted exactly when I wanted it" - I shake my head knowingly. "See," I think. "I knew this wasn't going to work out." But when it's something pleasant to my mind or body, I feel guilty. "Why is this happening?" I think. "I don't deserve this. It's going to turn to shit."
This is why I talk to drunks every day. I have very little concept of human reality.
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