Doing Nothing

I read a nice piece of writing about an odd couple marriage recently.  The marriage didn't last. This is not the point.  The point is that the odd couple consisted of a hard-charging, task-oriented, over-achiever and a creative type.  The hard-charger was always accomplishing something concrete: cleaning out a garden, going somewhere and doing something, working, and the creative person read and wrote and thought.  This seemed like doing nothing to the over-achiever.

Frustrated, the creator finally said in exasperation: "When you see me sitting here doing nothing, I'm actually very busy."

There's a little bit of both of these people in most of us.  I like getting things done but I also like sitting quietly.  My morning meditation, after 25 years, is still a work in progress.  I have a few, short, discrete prayers and I have a whole lot of sitting quietly.  I used to really work hard at the meditation part - concentrating on my breath, watching thoughts flow in and out without judgment, coming back to the breath - and I got really frustrated a lot of the time because meditation is fucking hard.  Lately I've been enjoying the sitting quietly part - not actively praying but not forcing the meditation, either.  It's pleasant.  I pay more attention to the thoughts than when I'm actively meditating but it's still pleasant.  

When I was getting sober the most important part of my meetings was that I simply had to sit still for an hour.  This doesn't sound too impressive but for a guy whose skeleton was trying to climb out through his mouth and escape it was a big accomplishment.  It still applies today, frankly, and takes a lot of pressure off of me to hear something really profound in the meeting.  I don't have to accomplish a great meeting - I can sit down and relax for an hour.  I don't get so frustrated at what other people are doing because all I need to do is chill for an hour.  If I don't hear anything that rocks my socks in a meeting I still get a lot of benefit from attending.  I feel better the rest of the day even though I can't put my finger on the profound thing that I heard.

SuperK and I each have activities that don't look too impressive to each other.  We've both worked at letting the other person do the thing that they want to do even when it doesn't seem . . . well, productive, and we've both worked at seeing how the activity might be of great benefit to the other person.  Part of this is listening when the other person talks, something that I'm   terrible at doing.  She's better but you'll have to ask her whether or not progress could be made.  Part of it is letting the other person be.

We both thought the article was interesting.  It's nice to ponder the mix between overtly productive activities and internally productive activities.  I need both of them to maintain what little of my sanity is left.