Meh

So my parents are coming out from The Old Town to Vacation City for a three week visit.  They are definitely coming if by "definitely" you mean "maybe a 50-50 chance."  I actually bought tickets for them while on the phone with my mother, as she asked me to do things like get each of them window seats that were right next to each other.  She must think she's coming out on a corporate jet - a corporate spaceship.  I was happy to do the work, and a little surprised; cash on the barrel-head is no small feat for my prudent folks.  "Maybe they really are coming out," I thought.  Then they also bought trip cancellation insurance; I thought this was wise but a little suspicious.  An "out" so to speak.

My parents are going to spend 2 weeks with SuperK and me, 1 week with my cousin.  They're actually a lot more comfortable with my cousin -- and just about every one else with whom they're even remotely related to--  than they are with me.  To be honest about it I think they're more comfortable with random strangers they meet wandering highway medians, wearing tin hats, muttering to themselves, than they are with me.  This is OK - I know I'm a pain in the ass.  I don't have to be told I'm a pain in the ass,  I don't think I'm always a pain in the ass anymore but I'm definitely a pain in the ass.  And I'm definitely the odd-ball in our extended family, the guy who drank warm beer and cheap whiskey and smoked dope with a 3 foot bong.

At some point the percentages changed: 2 weeks with my cousin and 1 week with me.  I spoke to mom today and she said that she planned to "come in to stay with you for a couple of days."  And my father is no longer coming.  He's worried that there won't be anything for him to do out here.  He doesn't have a lot of exotic activities.  I could easily duplicate all of the things he does here and he wouldn't have to leave the cottage.  I have access to The TV and to newspapers.  Those are the two most exotic things he does.  Mom is worried about an allergic reaction to our cat.  I personally have never seen her have an allergic reaction to anybody's cat unless she's someplace that she doesn't want to be at which point her allergies become unbearable.  Cat allergies on Demand, so to speak.

I don't see dad staying alone for 3 weeks in the middle of the winter in the Midwest.  I bet he puts the kibosh on mom's trip, too.  I see it happening.  If she does make the trip I predict a medical emergency that will cause her to cut her visit short and head home.

Really, all of this is not upsetting and almost expected.  I'm not a rocket scientist but I've learned to learn lessons in The Program.  People can treat me however they want -that's their  prerogative.   I can put up with it or I can distance myself from the behavior.  I've been treated like this for a long time; I realize that my behavior is partly to blame; I believe that I've made a lot of effort to compromise, to honor the wishes of others.  Not as much as I could have but it's enough, already.  Still, distancing oneself from one's family is one of the harder things that I do.

I'd love to see my folks.  If they come, great; if they don't, I'm fine with that, too.  I'm not excited about seeing them and I'm not horrified by the prospect, either.  I'm not hot and I'm not cold - I'm meh.

Meh.