It's so funny to remember the feeling I had walking into my first meeting that my life was over, that I was never going to have any fun ever again. I didn't know how to do very much without drugs and alcohol at that point. Every place, every event, every occasion was background hum to the using and drinking. If I had to abstain I didn't go and if I couldn't drink as much as I wanted I didn't drink at all. Mild relaxation was not the point. And the great irony, of course, is that for the last number of years my world got smaller and smaller and smaller. I was afraid to drive. I was running out of money. The carefree carousing of youth was in the rear view mirror and I couldn't find people who drank like I did anymore. People grew up and started adult lives. Drinking quarts of Colt 45 and doing bong hits in front of a TV wasn't exciting for them anymore. It was desperate, purposeful, workman-like drinking. Drinking with a purpose and people as a general rule got in the way of that purpose.
"Worthy performances do not make us who we are, but little things and what we tell ourselves in the privacy of our own minds. We are what we see and what we believe is important. We are who we are by what we choose to cultivate, and all worthy performances are made up of very little parts." Sitting Bull
If a dozen people approve of us and one does not, our thought is riveted on the one and what his reason is for not liking us.
"She hates me so much I find it irresistible." George Costanza
No comments:
Post a Comment