Geronimo!

I have lost all impulse control.  If I think it I say it.  This can be disruptive but it's a lot of fun.  I don't know if other people like it but I'm enjoying it immensely.  As I've said before once you hit 60 you can do whatever the fuck you want.  Not like I didn't do that before 60 but now I have an excuse.

The share from the woman yesterday who talked about not putting a good or a bad label on a painful experience was tremendously uplifting for me.  I think that's a real breakthrough for her.  I think that shows a huge leap in spirituality.

"It seems almost a sacrilege to ask someone so deeply hurt to forgive those who caused it.  Yet unforgiveness causes damage almost as devastating as physical wounds, or more so.  There is great stress in bearing grudges and the abused do not need any new pain or new problems.  Forgiveness does not set the abusive free, but the abused."  Geronimo

I'm continuing my daily practice of writing down one thing that I'm grateful for.  One of the benefits is that I'm able to see little things that are ordinarily submerged under the big ones: health, a good marriage, wonderful friends, and the like.  Today I wrote down the names of two men from my long ago past who are long gone themselves: Ron something and Charlie Michaels.  Both guys were big, blustering, physical men, very powerful personalities and very forceful.  These guys were brawlers, rarely backing down from a fight, even if they ended up in jail.  I couldn't  stand either of them.

Then this . . . Ron had a stroke and he needed to be helped to meetings.  I spent some time talking to him.  You could see that the words and thoughts were in there but he couldn't verbalize them, saying the same few things over and over.  I always listened and it helped us develop a connection.  He was visibly glad to see me.  Charlie chaired a meeting once and did this to me each time: "Before we get started I want to check in with Stevie Seaweed and see how his week is going."  Really pissed me off.  I guess I thought he was picking on me or judging me although for a guy who craves the limelight today I have to laugh at this.  I'd marry anyone - man or woman - who asked me to share first at every meeting.  Who's better than me?  His son was my dentist and I told him about this after Charlie passed.  He laughed and shook his head, telling me that his big bear of a father was a softie at heart and he was showing me how much he loved me.

A spiritual being:

Slow and calm, breathing deeply and mindfully.                                                                                         

Positive and optimistic, cheerful, wearing a big smile, quick to see the good in things while not fearing what could go wrong.

Quick, quick, quick to love and understand and forgive while no longer expecting, demanding that these be returned.

I have such a Western, Christian sensibility, where everything is practical and logical and efficient, rules-based, handed-down from long ago and not to be trifled with.  These Buddhist concepts of loosening my grip on everything really appeals to my "you aren't going to tell me what to do" sensibility.