Here and Anon

 I was seeing a counselor in sincity once who remarked: "I have a couple of close friends.  That's enough.  I don't have time for a lot of friends."  She was responding some complaint I was voicing about my lack of friends or my lack of quality friends or why my friends weren't as excited that I was their friend instead of the opposite.  She said this in a positive way, too, I think.  She wasn't bemoaning the fact that she didn't have the time to hold up her end of the obligation of being a friend. While I do like having lots of acquantinances I also see the wisdom of holding them loosely.  The more people, places, and things that I collect means that the time I have to spend cultivating and maintaining these people, places, and things goes up exponentially.  My thoughts and actions on this topic has been evolving quickly lately.

One of the reasons we so value the Fourth Step and all subsequent refresher Fourth Steps and the countless inventories we take is that we're always finding new stuff.  We're always changing and if don't adapt then we squander what we have and fail to grow into the people we're meant to be.  What worked well yesterday might not be the best thing for tomorrow.

Sometimes I need to go to a meeting and sometimes I need to take care of business.  I, personally, need to be a little careful in this regard.  Sometimes I'm just filling time with my attendance.  Not a terrible thing but maybe sometimes a wasteful thing.

More from the Sponsorship pamphlet . . . which I think has really good advice for dealing with newer people in any capacity:  "It has already been pointed out that we stay sober through reliance on the  A.A. program, not on any one member.   The sponsor will  also have encouraged the newcomer to  talk to other A.A. members with longer-term sobriety.  Now might be the time for a heartfelt talk in which the sponsor again explains the importance of relying on the entire A.A. program."  The ego involved with someone who thinks that what they say about recovery, what their experience has been, applies to everyone else.  Whew.

"Sponsorship is a flexible venture, and good sponsors are themselves flexible in working with new people.  It is just as much a mistake to thrust unwanted help upon a newcomer as it is to refuse help when a newcomer asks for it.  Occasionally, it may be wise to introduce the newcomer to an A.A. member who shares more of the newcomers's background and interests."  I hear people mention that they've been "fired" by someone they sponsor.  Well, OK, I guess.  Personally, I've never been surprised when someone turns elsewhere for advice and I can say this even when I think the individual is advice shopping.  If I don't like what you're saying I can look at myself and find what's inside me that makes the advice unpalatable or I can go find someone else who says what I want to hear.