Tongue-Biting Seaweed

 I was in the checkout line at the grocery store a few days ago and a week into a no-meeting run.  This is very unusual for me and was mostly a result of our stay in the desert - after some years of sobriety I'm comfortable with taking a break from meetings when I'm on vacation.  That, unfortunately and however, is an excuse and nothing more but I'm sticking with it.  I was unloading my cart - masked and, I thought, six feet from the customer in front of me - when the cashier abruptly said: "Sir, I'm going to need you to move back to the other side of your cart."  I apologized and scuttled back to the front of my cart, biting back the "I'm going to need you to go fuck yourself" comment that was right on the tip of my tongue, the part of my tongue that should be cut off.  My time in A.A. has taught me to Not Talk Most Of The Time! so I said not a word, somewhat proud of myself for controlling my speech while sheepishly realizing that my thinking still needs some work.  At a slight remove I understood that these essential workers have to deal with a steady stream of idiots and yahoos and bozos all day long so I'm more than willing to cut them some slack.  Still . . . my reaction was a telling tell of my spiritual condition at that particular moment.

Then yesterday I had coffee with a friend in The Program - his private Seaweed household nickname is LSD Bob, if that gives you an indication of my opinion of the quality of his Program - at a small one-off shop that I favor.  Everyone has masks and everyone is staying away from everyone else.  This dude walks in and shouts: "Am I ever going to get my order?"  It was jarring and an attention-grab.  When the cashier pointed out where his order was sitting he then yelled at two women who were in his way: "Can you get out of my way so I can get my food?"  The exchange continued for a while longer - a gripe about his coffees which were clearly right there, a bitch about a coffee carrier, etc.  At this point most of us were starting to laugh at this guy because he was so over the top.  When he finally left, hollering a "I don't want to make you do any work" a big round of applause went up when the owner said: "Have a nice day, sir, and don't hurry back."  The benefits of being the owner - a Starbucks barista would have had to bit his or her tongue until it bled.

The point is . . . if you're still at all interested in the point . . . that I could see how maybe the customer two people in front of me at the grocery store had treated that employee in a similar manner.  It's not all about me and how things are going for me.  My tongue-biting was a way of saying: "Hey, this is a tough, challenging time for all of us so I'm going to cut you some slack and this for some behavior that was maybe, possibly, a teeny, tiny bit unpleasant."

Re: my Higher Power: "And I get strength from that Power to do what I could never do with my own strength."

Some more: "Withdraw into the calm of communion with God.  Rest in that calm and peace.  When the soul finds its home of rest in God, then it is that real life begins.  Only when you are calm and serene can you do good work.  Emotional upsets make you useless."