Bob Loblaw

 Selfish:  Holding one's own self-interest as the standard of decision making; having regard for one's self above other's well-being.  (Ed. Note: I like the inclusion of the word well-being.  It's not that I'm not considering the wishes of someone else - it's that I don't care about their health, happiness, or prosperity.  I don't give a shit, although I usually convince myself otherwise.)

I'm really intrigued by this tension between individual rights - doing whatever I want to do with no interference from anyone - and the interest of a larger group of people - in A.A., my neighborhood, my city, my country.  Whenever there's an issue with no clear-cut solution both sides can often make a convincing case.  A lot of this pondering is a result of my irritation with the live A.A. meeting that I've struggling with - you know, the one I'm so over that I don't have to write about it anymore?  It's nice to get my way.  I prefer it to all the other ways.  It's also nice to be around people who are more contented because they're getting their way, too.  It's not satisfying if I never get my way but I'm uncomfortable when I'm getting my way all the time, often at the expense of the ways of other people.  Anyone who isn't willing to compromise, who insists on getting their way 100% of the time does so at the risk of alienating someone else.  When I'm around people who insist on calling all the shots I'm either forced to capitulate to the will of another, often sulking in silent anger, or moving away from that person.  If I like foreign movies and my friend, who likes thrillers, always insists on going to a thriller, eventually I'm going to say: "Fuck this guy, I'm going to find someone else to go to the movies with."  It's not so much that I won't go to the occasional thriller but that it's nice to be with someone who seems concerned - or at least aware - that I might like to have my way sometimes.

There's a character on a sitcom I'm watching right now called Bob Lablaw.  Try saying it out loud.  This is sort of what I'm doing with this screed.