It Ain't You

We've been reading Bill W's story in the Big Book at our Sunday night meeting.  Wow, what a hyperactive overachiever.  Reminds me of . . . oh, right, every alcoholic I've ever met.   Alcoholics can really kick it into gear -  we love to climb the mountain but we're always climbing the wrong mountain.  Bill was a terrible athlete but the captain of his baseball team and a real visionary in the field of financial speculation who would find incredible opportunities and then drift away from them at the last minute in an uninterested alcoholic haze.  The Book talks about our tendency to work hard for a desired outcome and then just lose interest at the last minute.

We talked about finding our own personal Higher Power in the meeting this morning.  Many of us - most of us, probably - had a God belief when we came into A.A. but it was an impractical, unworkable God.  I was in conflict with my God.  He was the enemy, something to be struggled against, an authority figure that I was opposed to for no logical reason.  He was not my friend.  The process to find a workable, blue-class, put-on-your-boots-and-get-to-work God was a slow one.

It was pointed out long ago that whenever something is capitalized in our literature it can serve as another way of considering a Higher Power.  This morning the ideas of a Sunlight of the Spirit, Unconditional Love, a Creative Intelligence, and more came up in the discussion.  I'll never forget being at a men's spiritual retreat where the Jesuit leading the Step discussion deftly avoided controversy when we reached Step Two by pointing out all of the non-traditional, nonreligious, practical ways to find a working Higher Power: nature and art and music and puppies and kittens and on and on.  See the presence of something bigger than you in something right in front of you.  No need to go to a dedicated religious space to listen to a dedicated religious professional . . . unless you want to and there's nothing the matter with that!  Find your Higher Power wherever you can.

Many of us mentioned that neat little reminder about a good starting point in your search: 1. There is a Higher Power, and 2. It ain't you.