Problem People

Endure:  To continue or carry on, despite obstacles or hardships; to persist. 

One of my friends called up to ask me to lead a men's stag meeting this week.  Although we're close we don't talk on the phone very often so when I heard his voice on my VM I assumed he wanted something.  Just to be a prick I didn't let him get a word in edge-wise when we finally spoke because I knew he was looking for an opening to make his request.  He knows me well enough to understand what was going on so this was all in good fun.  It's always an honor to be asked to lead a meeting beforehand - I take it as a compliment that I have something he thinks the group would enjoy hearing.

I'm going to talk about acceptance.  I'm going to reference in an oblique way the suck year we've all had to put up with.  While some of us have had it harder than others - and I personally have been remarkably blessed - I haven't run into anyone who has preferred living through a pandemic to life as it existed before.

Accept:  To endure patiently; to accept with gratitude.

I like the tension between these two definitions of gratitude.  The first part is what I perceive as the standard A.A. interpretation - to put up with something that's unwanted: To endure a trail or tribulation.  The second part is crucial for me as it makes me look at acceptance as something positive: To accept a gift or a promotion or a compliment.  One of the most important factors in my long history in recovery has been how to go from The Problem to the Solution.  We do that.  We don't pretend that problems don't exist for that is exactly the kind of behavior we preferred when we were drinking - sticking our heads in the sand - but we try to move quickly into a state of acceptance and gratitude.  To me this is the definition of Grace.

Our fascination with difficulties is mostly human nature, in my humble opinion.  I note with amusement that the words problem or problems are mentioned 158 times in the A.A. texts while solution or solutions are used 21.  Clearly the founders knew we were Problem People.  How do I know?  They fucking said so: "We have been talking about problems because we are problem people who have found a way up and out . . . "

Note to self: Problem People would be an excellent name for a hard rock band.

When a problem arose in my childhood I had a father who got angry and a mother who pretended that the problem didn't exist.  Is there any wonder that I'm not very good at dealing with difficulties?  I had mildly dysfunctional teachers.