There's NOTHING Wrong with Me

Some will object to many of the questions posed, because they think their own character defects have not been so glaring.  To these it can be suggested that a conscientious examination is likely to reveal the very defects the objectionable questions are concerned with.

I like this sentence which is a starting point for our Fourth Step Inventory.  Bill is saying: "Yeah, yeah, yeah, we get it - you're good.  You're squeaky clean.  YOU don't have to do an inventory.  YOU don't have any defects."

Then we are provided with an extensive and seemingly ever-expanding list of "defects" that apparently almost every alcoholic except for us, personally, seems to have.  Take a gander and see if any of these apply to you . .  . while keeping in mind that this is a partial and woefully inadequate list.

Self-righteous:  Piously self-assured and smugly moralistic.  (Whew.  Ouch.)

Self-righteousness, the very thing we had contemptuously condemned in others, became our own besetting evil.  This phony form of respectability . . . 

Defiant:  Bold; insolent; open resistance to or disregard for authority, opposition, or power.

As psychiatrists have often observed, defiance is the outstanding characteristic of many an alcoholic. 

Self-centered: Concerned with the self as opposed to the greater good of one's group, community, etc. (Wait a minute, wait a minute - what about me?)

Selfishness - self-centeredness!  That, we think, is the root of our troubles.

Pride: An unreasonable overestimation of one's own importance in terms of one's talents, importance, etc. which manifests itself in lofty airs and contempt for others. (Zing. These are really starting to sting.)

For pride, leading to self-justification and always spurred by conscious or unconscious fears, is the basic breeder of most human difficulties, the chief block to true progress.

Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us . . .  (Dammit! Self again!)

Resentment: A feeling of anger or displeasure stemming from belief that one has been wronged by others or betrayed. (I like the addition of "belief." Once again, facts don't matter, facts are trumped by our feelings, real or imagined, no reasonably ridiculous belief refused.)

Resentment is the “number one” offender.  It destroys more alcoholics than anything else.  From it stems all forms of spiritual disease . . . 

Pride slips in to justify our excesses. (Dammit!! Pride, again?!)

And driving the whole unholy mess is fear. Fear that we're not going to get what we want and fear that we're going to have things happen to us that we don't want to have happen to us.

Fear: A strong, uncontrollable, unpleasant emotion caused by actual or perceived danger or threat. (Nice that the danger or threat doesn't even have to be real. This is why some of us think FEAR stands for False [or Future] Events Appearing Real. There's also something somewhere about Fuck Everything And Run, but I'm trying to keep it clean here.)

Unreasonable fears that our instincts will not be satisfied . . . 

Fear.  This short word somehow touches every aspect of our lives.  It was an evil and corroding thread.  The fabric of our existence was shot through with it.  It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn’t deserve.  A soul sickness.