Did I Say That Out Loud?

 I heard this at a meeting today: "I love people but I don't like them."  In my opinion that was The Share of the Day.  I remember the first time I heard something like that at a meeting.  I could not believe that someone would say that out loud, with other people around.  I had been looking for an organization where that kind of statement was not only shared but that it was roundly cheered.  "Where have these people been all my life?" I thought.

The fact of the matter is that I care about people deeply.  I really do.  I love a ton of folks, men and women both, and everyone knows this.  It's also a fact that I am easily annoyed and that many people annoy me.  Couple this with the very alcoholic trait of extreme, extraordinary self-righteousness and you've got a real toxic stew of anti-social behavior.

The isolation that is a result of the CoVid pandemic?  Not really a problem for me because I don't like anyone anyway and now have a reason to stay the fuck away from them.  Seriously though, it's a tightrope I have to walk - I need the human interaction but, as an introvert, I really do need chunks of time by myself.  Not isolating time but solitude time, time for me to think and write and reflect and read.  I'm careful that I don't drift into morbid reflection and I'm careful to get away for some Seaweed time, too.  It can be a tricky balance.

Easier, Softer Steve.  No better nickname for me.  I would also be comfortable with Loophole Steve as I have a long, storied history of searching for them.  I tried everything and I mean everything before I got sober.  I only got sober and stayed sober after I was out of options.  

Acceptance.  Striving for acceptance.

I also heard a young guy saying that the last thirty days was hard as he took his one month chip today.  To him I say: "No shit, Sherlock."  That's why so few of us stay sober.

A good indicator of alcoholism is if your personality changes when you drink.  And I don't mean you get a little silly or more talkative - I mean if you become a real asshole.  Alcohol didn't relax me - it made me 30 feet tall and bulletproof.