Ancestors

I have been pondering gratitude for my ancestors in my morning Quiet Time.  The people that came before me.  The people who made me who I am . . . or the people who had a lot of influence - an incredible amount of influence - on the man I have become.

I know that my traveling in Asia has been a shower of gasoline firing some of this awareness.  In the Eastern/Buddhist way of life veneration for one's ancestors is very important, so important that it's not unusual for family members in rural areas to set up small shrines that they pass by every morning on their way to work in the fields and for city dwellers to swing by the local temple or shrine to light a stick of incense and say a few prayers.  There are all kinds of explanations as to why this is done - to make things easier for the ancestors wherever they are, to ask the ancestors to use their otherworldly influence to make things easier for the people still here, as a sign of simple gratitude, it goes on and on, varying from religion to philosophy and back again.

I spent a lot of time bitching about how my forebears didn't do me any favors.  I focused on their shortcomings and defects.  Imagine that - a Problem Person focusing on The Problem.  It's also a lot easier and a lot more fun to blame someone else for any shortcomings and defects that I see in myself.  It's easier to throw my hands up and shout: "It's not my fault!" and point that cursed index finger at someone or something else.  This is why we are relentless in our inventories.  We need to be relentless in trying to see our part in things, the only part that we can control.

I turned out pretty good, in my humble opinion.  Part of this, no doubt, is because I've worked pretty hard at being pretty good, but obviously all of these terrible fuck-ups who came before me were doing something right because they had a big part in making me who I am.  I like to visualize them, happy, healthy, whole, looking down on me or out on me from whatever good place that they're inhabiting.  I like to imagine them lurking in the places and animals and spaces around me right now, in my physical world.  I smile back and thank them for everything.  It's a hell of a lot easier recognizing that they were flawed human beings - just like me - who were doing the best they could with the tools they were given.  There isn't any manual passed out to show us how to make our way in a world that can be harsh and confusing and challenging.

I also like to imagine all of my friends in this light.  I have a lot of friends.  Sometimes I think I have too many friends and I'm not talking about those people who I'm friendly with - I'm talking about people who love me and care about me.  Some of these people are constant presences in my life and some of them swirl in and out at different times.  Some of them were great presences in my world for long periods of time but with whom I've lost touch - the kind of friends that if you ran into them on the street you'd continue a conversation as easily as if you had lunch with them yesterday.  I can feel the love and caring raining down on my head like hail.

Amazing.