Tell Me

I am stuck on this idea of me as an independent, self-reliant individual and me as an individual who is part of something bigger than me.  The Steps and The Traditions usually give me some hints.  The Steps allow me to be the master of my domain, to reference an episode of Seinfeld, to follow my own instincts as long as I'm not hurting other people.  Mostly I can do whatever I want.  I can't bring my boombox into a meeting and listen to Black Sabbath, Volume 4, but I can get sober any which way I choose.  The Traditions allow any particular group to do whatever it chooses as long as it doesn't affect other groups or AA as a whole.

This stuff translates so well into moderating my behavior in the social world I inhabit.

More Midwest V West Coast Program reflections . . . 

In the middle of the country sponsorship was a hands-off proposition.  My sponsor was someone who had to listen when I called to complain about everything and a good source of advice about The Steps and recovery in general but he - all of the hes I had - never positioned himself as an authority or a guru.  These guys told me what they did - implying that they had no idea what I should do - and they encouraged me to talk to lots of other guys.  That way I got a consensus of how people approach recovery  and I learned about The Steps and The Big Book by going to . . . you know . . . Step and Big Book meetings.  Here the sponsor is expected to sit down with the newcomer and read through the Book paragraph by paragraph, stopping to give very specific instructions about the text.

I never liked this technique so I don't do it.  I have trouble remembering to put on clean underwear each morning so I'm going to tell you what to do?  I don't think so.  I spend half my day either looking for my phone or my wallet so I refrain from giving someone relationship advice.  But I can see the benefit - you get to grill someone on how they have worked their way through some pretty confusing things and you get grilled by someone who is sitting right across from you, looking into your lying eyes.

Remember: at some point I'm going to fail you.  I'm too flawed not to.