Instincts on Rampage

A searching and fearless inventory.  I don't know about you but I was terrified doing my first inventory.  There was absolutely nothing fearless about it.  I was thorough - I literally put every human being I had ever encountered on that list - but I didn't like doing it.

Honest:  Scrupulous with regard to telling the truth; not given to swindling, lying, or fraud.

On one side of our AA coins - given for yearly anniversaries - are these reminders: Honesty; Openness; Willingness.  My coin should say: Swindling; Lying; Fraud.  THAT would be honesty.

Thank god that AA kept the word "honest" out of all of our Steps.  I was incapable of honesty.  I wanted to be honest and I would have told you I was honest but I had been bullshitting myself for so long that I had no clue what was real and what wasn't.  I clearly remember telling a story about getting a ticket jaywalking in downtown Columbus, OH, well into my sobriety, before I remembered that I had heard someone else relate that incident.  I thought it was so good I incorporated into my experiences bank and told it for so long it became real to me.

"Hmmmm, I don't think I ever did that," I remember thinking.

I did, however, get a ticket by a real hard ass cop for crossing a side street against the light.  I was riding to the post office to mail some resumes - too high to drive a car - without a shirt on.  I can still see the name of my bike - Motobecane - in the slot marked "vehicle."  It was cold sitting on the slimy vinyl back seat of the cop car, a/c blasting, sweat running down my torso, as the dick wrote out the citation.  Must have been a slow business day although my pony tail and general slovenly appearance might have triggered some animus in him.


Excuse Number One:
"We shall claim that our serious character defects, if we think we have any at all, have been caused chiefly by excessive drinking."

Defects?  What me?

Excuse Number Two:
"Our present anxieties and troubles, we cry, are caused by the behavior of other people - people who really need a moral inventory."

I like the phrase "other people."  It's vague and inclusive.  "Who did this?!"  "Other people" or "some other people" or "a ton of other people" or "those other people."

"Instincts on rampage balk at investigation.  THAT is a great turn of a phrase and  also a great name for a hard rock band: Instincts on Rampage.

We also can offer up "collision of instincts" and "instinct run wild," which wouldn't be that great of a band name but would be a great title for a shit reality show.