Off The List!

I have an ever-evolving contact list on my phone.  It's subject to a constant winnowing and adjusting.  The process can be brutal.  As a general rule I have no tolerance for most people but when I'm calling these people voluntarily, of my own free will, there are some general rules that must be adhered to.  I'm not saying they're good rules or that they're rules you should have, rather that they're my rules and they rule.  If you violate the rules you are subject to ejection.  You are purged from my phone.  It's as if you've never existed, that you have never walked on the face of the earth.  There is no record of you.  No one remembers.  No one cares.  You will be forgotten.

Don't take it personally, either - people better than you have been ejected and they have been ejected more quickly than you have.  There are people about who I'm conflicted - they can be ejected and then reappear, sometimes multiple times.  There are people on my phone list that I can't stand but they remain because they adhere to the rules and there are people I love who violate the rules, so . . . off they go.  Banished.  Gone.  Vanished.

To Thine Own Self Be True.

The main rule, rule number one, is simply that you return my phone call.  Is that too much to ask? You are forgiven once.  Everyone makes a mistake, lets something slip their mind, gets distracted or too busy, but if you don't call back after a second message you're off the list.  Period.  No exceptions.  I spent my whole career calling people who often didn't call back so I'm not putting up with that shit in my retirement.  I don't mean to suggest I do this sullenly, either, but rather with the greatest good cheer.  No hard feelings on my end.  Lots of people don't enjoy talking on the phone or they're too busy to chat idly or - god forbid, horror of horrors - they don't want to talk to me.  I don't take it personally.  I don't like the sound of my own voice half the time.  I still like most of these people and still enjoy talking to them in person or even chatting via the gutless, cowardly text message.

Come to think of it I'm not sure there are any other rules.  Really, that's the only one.  We're all adults here.  It's part of the social contract that adheres to us adults to return phone calls.  If the phone relationship is not to be I'll pick up on that quickly.  I'm not selling anything.  I don't have a garage full of vacuum cleaners or nutritional supplements.  I don't take it personally.  When people don't appreciate my calls I can hear it and I quit calling.  I've got tons of people to call.  And I understand people can be busy, very busy.  If you're that busy just shoot me a text or an email telling me that you're too busy to talk.  Cool.  I get it.  No hard feelings.

SuperK: "And you wonder why you don't have many sponsees . . . "