Very, Very Insistent

Committee:  A group of people chosen . . . to consider some matter or to function in a certain capacity.

We talk in The Fellowship about The Committee.  The Committee is a group of individuals who live in your head.  Needless to say, if this concept makes sense to you then you're in a sorry, sorry state and you might want to consider dialing 911 and screaming into the phone when someone answers.  Most normally functioning adults don't have a group of individuals living in their heads, as far as I can tell.  If they do they're not bringing it up in everyday conversation.  Frankly, it sounds kind of insane which is not a state that most people aspire to attain.  Alcoholics, however, are more comfortable with the state of insanity seeing as we live there most of the time.

Anyway, The Committee is large and irrational and rabid and very, very insistent.  Members shout a lot and get into a lot of fights and demand to get their own way.  Think English soccer riot meets a marauding Genghis Khan and his Mongol Horde in the mosh pit of a Marilyn Manson concert, then go way more violent.  Good - you're about half-way to understanding the general tenor of a normal, routine, totally insane Committee meeting.

The Committee is always yelling.  Do this, don't do that, what the $#!! is the matter with you, you $#!! idiot, and other less gentle things.  It's chaos in there.  This is one of the reasons I try to keep my mouth shut most of the time - I'm afraid that one of the more vociferous Committee members might override the one rational Committee member and say something inappropriate, or worrisome, or threatening, or illegal.  I feel sorry for the rational guy.  I think he's all by himself in there.  I've never seen him talking to anyone else.

Meditation helps a lot.  Meditation is a police action.  It's effective in herding the Mongol Horde into a holding pen of sorts.  But we never get all of them - we have totally given up on trying to get all of them or even most of them into that pen.  We aspire to get some of them.  Trust me on this: it's better to have a somewhat reduced number of screaming irrationals.  It feels quiet, like an early morning in a remote cabin, after enduring the full force of the full crew.

This is progress for me.  My Committee is down to several hundred.  That doesn't sound good but think of the noise level at a poorly attended high school football game vs. noise at the Super Bowl.