Throw the Dice

Mumble:  To speak or say indistinctly and in a low voice, as with the mouth partly closed; mutter

The meeting I attended this morning is located in the old area of downtown.  I walk in wearing my little hat and a sport coat, as clearly out of place as I am when I walk to the clubhouse in the rich area of town, still wearing the same hat and coat.  My 25 year old jacket looks old there - downtown it looks nice.  I like the dicey meeting.  It's a good meeting.  I'm under no illusion that I'm going to meet my new best friend there but I appreciate the honesty and the wisdom I hear.  It fills a bigger hole in me to hear a guy who is 90 days away from shooting heroin and living in a downtown shelter than some guy with a lot of time and a big house sharing from his head.

The guy sitting next to me mumbled audibly the whole meeting.  I heard the word "problem" repeatedly but couldn't make out the context.  He was probably talking about me.  I assume everyone is talking about me.  Who else would they be talking about?  There was a guy there who had been sober over 30 years, too, which sounded impressive until he mentioned that he just got done serving 35 years in prison.  He was trying to get clearance to go back home in a distant state to "be near family."  I wondered what he thought he was going to find.  Another guy had spent the last 25 years in prison, on and off.  I couldn't decide what sounded worse - a straight gig of 35 years or occasional bursts of open sky for 25.  Neither sounded very good.  One guy drifted off on a long soliloquy about potato salad which was very funny; I enjoyed it very much although I wouldn't pick it as a topic.

I don't think I'm better than anyone, except Willie, and I don't think I worse than anyone, except SuperK.