4 For 4

I have a self-image that suits me fine.  That's one thing; another is that I'm surprised that the world doesn't often share this delusional self-construct that I've created for myself.  These delusions are not as severe as they used to be but I still mistake them for accuracy.  I like to gloss over the rough spots so to speak.

For instance, Superk and I had a whole lot of trouble qualifying for health insurance when we moved to The New City.  I saw myself as a very healthy guy; the insurance companies saw me as an old man who was going to get very sick and cost then a lot of money.  It made me a little nervous.  Do they know something that I don't know?  Is there a tumor the size of a softball clearly visible on the back of my head?  It's enough to make me take an extra vitamin today.

Then we tried to qualify for a mortgage.  Banks don't like self-employed people and I've found out they positively loathe self-employed people without jobs.  God help me if they find out I'm an unemployed self-employed guy who is also delusional.  Not only did I not get a mortgage most of the banks and savings & loans said something along the lines of "don't even bother to stop by."  They weren't quite that blunt but it was close.  I wasn't a bad credit risk - I was a toxic credit-default swap.  That I was fully committed to paying back the loan didn't impress them one bit.  They saw a guy - or they would  have seen a guy if they had agreed to see me - who was going to take their money and then welch on the bet.

Setting my sights lower I applied for a credit card from one of the major banks who send me approximately 7000 credit card offers a year.  I've seen vans sporting the corporate logo of this institution driving down the streets in bad neighborhoods throwing fistfuls of credit cards at teenagers, homeless people, and a variety of animals, both wild and domesticated, so I was confident bordering on cocky that a credit card was in my future.   They rejected me for a whole variety of vague reasons, one being "Too many credit inquiries" which is what the banks do when you apply for something.  It's a real Catch 22 - which is a hell of a Catch.  To get a credit card we have to check your credit but we can't give you a card if you've had your credit checked recently.  That's some spooky shit.

3 for 3.  And not a single face to face meeting.  So I fall back on The Program.  We don't reject anybody for anything.  You're a member if you say you are.  I decide that I will volunteer to donate some of my free time that would normally be spent outside of a coffee shop, sitting slack-jawed, and help carry a meeting - at no charge, mind you - into a jail filled with men who are almost certainly there largely due to drug and alcohol problems.  I fill out an on-line application - I then fill out an almost identical paper application which they mail to me - I wait for references to come back from a couple of friends who they actually sent references to - I had a two hour interview; and I was invited back for a two and a half hour orientation session at a jail that I wasn't going to be volunteering at, a request that I balked at.  I had had about enough vetting at that point.

The email plops into my In Box: "We thank you for your time but we don't feel that you are going to be able to provide the volunteer services that we require."

When the jails reject you it may be time to temporarily suspend the filling out of any and all applications.