Deo Gratias

I also went to church with my mother when I was in town.  Twice, doubling my total church attendance over the last 2 or 3 years.  I didn't go because I wanted to go - and god knows it's all about me, a fact clearly authorized in one of the additional Steps only accessible to superior recovery guys like me, kind of like the keys to the executive washroom, except for recovery  - I went because I knew it would make my mother happy and god knows I can put in a little effort making that poor woman happy.


It's never as bad as I remember it being.  It is somewhat annoying and it's definitely boring, but it's not an overwhelming OzzFest of negativity.  The people are mostly pleasant and there's a lot of off-key singing, which I find amusing, and the pastor guy reads some Bible passages, which are OK for the most part, at least those from the New Testament.  The Old Testament can get a little threatening and violent with all of the smiting by a just god and everything.  The Bible seems like a pretty cool book; it's the interpretation of the Bible by guys who seem to have some reading comprehension problems that really bugs me.  So I mostly enjoy the scripture readings.  They could read from just about any religious book and I'd be OK with it.  All of the books of the major religions sound more or less the same when you strip away all of the outside commentary about how great OUR particular book is.


There is this one thing called "The sharing of the peace" that happens before the actual preachy part starts.  I'm not a big fan of this part.  You have to shake hands with your immediate pew mates - I was glad to see that they've put cushions on the unforgiving wood pews because I don't have too much padding back there, if you know what I mean - and say "The peace of the lord be with you," which seems kind of staged.  I tried to slip in something novel like "Led Zeppelin rules" or "double or nothing, please" but I lost my nerve at the last minute.


During the sermon I pretty much zone out.  I enjoy the sermon the best when I don't listen to it.  I'm practiced at not listening when other people are talking to me so this isn't an onerous chore.  Before I drifted off one of the days I heard the preacher guy throw some gasoline on the fire as far as some popular liberal social policies are concerned.  I didn't like this much, believing it isn't why we come to church, so I drifted off more quickly than normal.  More deeply as well.


But a short time later this Bible verse came up: "There was not a needy person among them, for as many as were owners of lands or houses sold them and brought the proceeds of what was sold and laid it at the apostle's feet, and it was distributed to each as any had need."  This sounds like socialism which is what happens when you start out as a liberal and then swerve sharply to the far left.  And there was a disclaimer in the church bulletin that read: "We hold the Holy Bible to be the inerrant word of God."  It wouldn't appear to me that there's any wiggle room that would help you avoid selling all of your shit and passing it out on the street to bums like me.


Inerrant:  Not erring; making no mistakes; infallible.


It looked to me like the preacher guy was carefully covering all of his bases, making sure that he offended everyone irregardless of their political persuasion.


Here are a few quotes that I found confusing during the course of the service:
"I will sing to the lord, for he has triumphed gloriously; the horse and his rider he has thrown into the sea."  This was closely followed by something about " the stormy side of God's wrath."  I'm assuming that this is the side God exhibited when he did the horse and rider tossing.  I'm assuming he didn't use the sunny side of his wrath should such a side exist, which I find unlikely and contradictory.  It's unclear to me who he tossed into the sea, and for what reason.  Maybe he doesn't like horses so much that he was willing to sacrifice a couple of people to take 'em out.


There was a hymn called "Now All the Vault of Heaven Resounds."  I don't know what that means.  One of the verses started with the line "Mighty Victim from the sky!"  I don't know what that means, either.


What really burned me up was a short section called The Children's Message.  All of the little kids come to the front of the church, the preacher guy sits down on his haunches with them, and delivers a little homily while ALL OF THE ADULTS HAVE TO WATCH.  When I was a kid we got dressed up and went to Sunday School and THEN to church.  There were no Children's Message loopholes for us to exploit.  Now not only do the kids avoid Sunday School they extend the church service for the adults.  This is the definition of Adding Insult To Injury.


I still have 8+ months to Christmas.  I'm safe for a while.