A Zinger

Denial:   A refusal to believe or accept.


I think I need to go see a dentist, but I don't want to.  Something people probing around my mucous membranes with sharp stainless steel diggers.


My teeth have given me a fair amount of problems over the years even though I'm a tad on the obsessive-compulsive side when it comes to care of said teeth, as you would expect from a tightly wound, control-freak obsessive-compulsive kind of guy.  I could add a few more unflattering adjectives but my limit is 3, maybe 4 if I'm rolling pretty good, pejoratives in a single phrase.  I don't think I have the best enamel in the world or something like that because I brush, floss, and rinse after every meal and when I get up and right before I go to bed.  I think sometimes I floss in my sleep.  It's a rare medical condition called "sleep-flossing."  It can actually be dangerous.  Qualified experts warn never to wake up an individual who is sleep-flossing or even sleep-brushing, although there isn't a consensus on what to do with someone who is rinsing in their sleep.  Sleep-flossers have been known to lash out viciously when their sleep-flossing is interrupted.


Anyway, I bit into a seed a few weeks back and got what my dentist in The Old City calls a "zinger."  This means something that hurts like hell.  As an alcoholic when something happens that I don't like or am afraid of I have a series of stages that I must go through before I squarely face the problem.  The first is a stage I call "Pretend that nothing happened."  It's a fairly stupid stage when pain is involved.  Maybe if I think I've offended someone but I'm not sure then this stage makes sense, but not when I've experienced a fairly sharp, stabbing pain in one of my teeth.  I'm patient when it comes to dealing with something that I've afraid of so I decided to wait this one out.  My teeth aren't sensitive to hot or cold and there's no tooth ache so I figure maybe it was an isolated incident. Maybe if I ignore it then it will "go away."


As you might expect I had another zinger a week or so later and this time the sensitivity has been hanging around.  So I proceed logically to Stage Two: "Investigate the problem."  In this case that involved calling my old dentist, explaining the problem, and then taking his advice.  This is another stupid stage.  My dentist had a father who died with long term sobriety so he's used to dealing with people like me.  He's a good dentist so he suggested that someone with a sharp, stabbing pain in one of his teeth needed to go see a dentist.  I believe that a bad dentist  would also recommend this.  I believe that the nice boy who bagged my groceries yesterday would suggest that I go see a dentist or shut up about it already.


I moved immediately to Step Three: "Bitching about the unfairness of a problem."  This is my favorite step.  I'm good at it.  I get my hackles way, way up when life is unfair, which it is by necessity.  I have a long history of bitching about my problems so I tackle this step with vigor and relish.  I don't see why I need to go through pain or discomfort in my life.


I'm currently dealing with Step Four, although I'm not abandoning Step Three until I'm good and miserable.  I can do Step Three while I'm tackling Step Four.  I'm multi-tasking.   Anyway, Step Four, which I surely must do in my inexorable march through these Steps of Denial, is Anger.  This Step includes both outrage at the unfairness of life and strong exceptional-ism, where I express disbelief that something bad or unpleasant is happening to me, the only person I care about, even though it's one in a series of bad things that surely must!  surely will!! happen to me as well as to most other people.  It's just that I'd rather pass on any unpleasantness.


Step 5 includes Greed and Paranoia, and Anger, too, I suppose.  I might as well toss anger in as well.  Anger is a great addition to any of my many character defects.  It's the icing on the cake.  It's a flavor enhancer, a catalyst that accelerates the growth of all of my defects.  Step 5 involves contacting local dentists, certain that they are going to overcharge me for work that won't solve the problem and will be poorly done.


There about 100 more Steps before I go about tackling a fairly straightforward problem like an adult.  I'll stop now.