The Wisdom of AC/DC

"If you want blood, you got it."


I hesitate starting my thought process with a song from AC/DC that emphasizes blood -- a lot of blood -- but what can you do?  It seems appropriate as I try to work my way from the anxiety stage through the anger stage, which is where I seem to be currently residing.  I'm mad at an institution, a force of nature, and a person at the moment, and that seems to cover just about everything.  I take pains to emphasize that I'm not currently mad at SuperK but I'm sure that'll change.  My theory is that most people get married so that they'll have a ready-made target close at hand to blame for whatever shortcoming they're currently not working on.  Love, schmuv.  Please.  And lest I sound like too much of a dick, let me assure you that there's no shortage of incoming fire in my case.  We both dish it out pretty good when the mood strikes us.


I assume I could be mad at god if I wanted to cover all of my bases, but that has never worked out especially well for me.  As a fellow member once remarked: "If you want to box with god remember that he has longer arms than you do."  And god seems to be able to take it, which makes it pretty irritating.  He doesn't get sucked into my mind games.  He chuckles and dodges my wild swings, then decks me with one shot to the nose.  I mean, if you can't get someone's goat what's the point of being pissed?  Full frontal anger, passive aggressive anger, sniping, suggestive anger: I'm not going to restrict my options at all.


Blood on the streets.
Blood on the rocks.
Blood in the gutter.
Every last drop.


I believe that when I get angry at one thing then I enjoy letting it spill over into everything else.  Full spectrum anger.  I'm a machine gun guy, not a rifle guy.  When I'm not doing well I just start blasting away -- 20 rounds per second --  and try to shoot up everything in sight.  "Kill 'em all, let god sort 'em" out kind of thinking.  


Things that would never bother me when I've got my angst and insecurities and resentments under control suddenly get very large and take on a life of their own.  And the underlying reason?  Might it be powerlessness?  Yes, it might be.  It all comes down to the first half of the First Step: powerlessness.  I try to take back power and it doesn't work out very well for me.  


Ever.