Hard Rock

Hard:  With vigor, strength, or violence.


At today's meeting we discussed the tendency of alcoholics to be hard on themselves.  And by "hard" I mean "beat the shit out of."   As a group we are masters of self-flagellation.  This week I listened to a man share a 5th Step inventory with me.  Most importantly, is there any greater honor as a person than to have someone share their most personal, painful secrets with you?  I can't think of any.  The trust that requires is unbelievable, especially for your average paranoid drunk.


Anyway, 10 minutes into an hour long soliloquy I began to feel sorry for the guy.  He might as well have gotten out a brace of whips and boards full of nails,  and began beating himself.  It reminded me of that weird religious sect which has as its signature highlight a group of men stepping in cadence, pausing to lash themselves on the back with a chain, to what purpose I cannot imagine.  His stuff wasn't that bad, wasn't at all unique, and had stopped in his sobriety, which is the most important thing, but still he kept flagellating.


I think today I try to emphasize rigorous honesty in my behavior.  I look at what I've done and when I'm in the wrong I apologize, and then I try not to do it anymore.  I don't lose sleep over very many things.  I make mistakes, I apologize, and then I move on.  I'm a flawed human being, not a piece of garbage.  I don't spend a lot of time feeling bad about behaving bad.  It's a fool's errand.


And nobody can tell me different.