Horseface Steve -- Helpmate

Help:  To give assistance; be co-operative, useful, or beneficial.


I'm still trying to get my arms around the idea of what it means to help someone out.  The definition doesn't seem to make allowances for anything along the lines of "when I want to" or "when it makes sense to me."  For instance, I don't want any help changing the oil in my car.  I'd have to get out the operator's manual -- where that is, I have no idea, because there's not a chance in hell that I'll ever understand how that large and complicated piece of machinery works -- to even figure out to open the hood, for god's sake, or maybe I mean the trunk.  Wherever the engine is located.  Car salesmen are always trying to show me what's under the hood.  I wave them off like a caliph dismissing a slave.  I'm not getting anywhere near a confined area full of hot, loud, violently rotating pieces of metal.


So you can be the best oil-changing guy in the world, eager to help me change my oil.  You can explain how important it is to change the oil and how much money I'd save and how much fun it can be working on your own car with your own hands.  The reality is that I don't want this help.  This is not help; this is an invitation to have one of my fingers severed.  Go help someone else change their oil.  Thanks for thinking of me but I like my fingers.


I remember when I grasped the fact that when SuperK wanted to talk to me about something that she found upsetting, she didn't expect me to solve the problem.  She wanted me to listen to what she had to say.  That was the help: the listening.  As the Smartest Guy In The World, I was chomping at the bit to offer wise, effective solutions.  That was what I wanted to do, not what needed to be done.


I know there's a god up there because we have mechanics who can change the oil in my car for a very reasonable amount of money.