An Astonishing Fact

Astonish:  To fill with sudden wonder or surprise; amaze (from the old French root extoner, "to strike with lightning.")


". . . their problems pile up on them and become astonishingly difficult to solve."  


The guy who chaired our meeting this morning read from the Doctor's Opinion and he shared a lot of great stuff, but he talked too long and he didn't talk about me or call on me or refer to me in any form or fashion.  Unbelievable!!  


If I move slowly back into reality -- loathsome task though it is --  he did a great job.  My sponsor suggests I refer the newcomer to the doc's opinion so he can see what the problem is.  It's hard to tease out the problem itself when we're in the midst of a problem that tells us that we don't have a problem, and we're hanging around with people who have the exact same kind of problems that they're also blind to.  Here are the facts: we have an allergy to alcohol so we react in an unusual manner to its effects and we have a mental obsession to alcohol so we can't seem to walk away from the stuff once we start.


"Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol.  The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false."


Elusive:  Tending to avoid or escape from by quickness, cunning, etc.; hard to grasp or retain mentally; baffling.


My sponsor also suggests that I be honest about my love of alcohol.  Today, still, after many years of sobriety I suspect that if I could drink and "get away with it" I would drink.  By "get away with it" I mean have the same peace and freedom from fear and angst, the same camaraderie with my fellows, the same connection with a Greater Power that I have today.  This is the false promise that alcohol whispers in my ear.  It reminds me of the good times.  It tells me this time will be different. It tells me I can drink like a normal man.


But I CAN'T.  This has been my experience.