Bad Seed

Motive: Refers to any impulse, emotion, or desire that moves one to action (greed was his only motive for stealing).


I try to remember to pay attention to the rationale behind what I'm doing. It's not always very good. It's very rarely any good. It's never any good.

Usually, I'm trying to get something for myself. While this is quite distasteful and the definition of selfish, it's made even worse by the fact that a lot of the time I'm kind of pleased when someone else does poorly or is denied something that they want. It's the Horseface Variation of the slogan: Misery loves company. If I can't be happy, I want you to be miserable. It's not that I want you to be a little unhappy, it's that I want you to be really, really miserable.

I used to watch a lot of sports. Mostly, this is because it was pretty easy to do while smoking weed and drinking heavily. Certainly it was easier than doing the sport itself. Now, in my defense, which is one of my favorite expressions, I have the hand-eye coordination of a drunk two year old, and I'm not fast or quick or strong or graceful or steely or confident, all of which contribute to my consistently poor performance in sports. I tried to participate in everything when I was younger but decided that I could humiliate myself in a less public way.

As I stayed sober I started getting out and doing things instead of watching other people do things on The TV. When I did watch, I found that much of the time I was rooting against a team rather than rooting for someone to do well. It's the Horseface Variation on the theme: I Don't Care Who Wins as Long as You Lose. There are more noble ways of living your life than that one.

I see this play out in our politics, too. A lot of people with all kinds of different political beliefs seem to be motivated by a desire to see the other side fail. I can barely talk to people who disagree with me anymore; they seem to enjoy heaping humiliation on their opponents. If I can't get my way, I'm going to make damn sure you don't get yours.

Pleasure in the misfortune of others. Ah, yes, something else to be proud of.