Tuesday, March 2, 2010

The 12 Commandments

Apparently when it comes to The 7 Deadly Sins and related matters I have no idea what I'm talking about. Unfortunately, this has never caused me to stop talking in the past. I figure if I opine forcefully and loudly, throwing in references which may or may not be based on fact, and respond wrathfully if questioned that I'm going to convince a certain percentage of the population that I am, in fact, correct.

Spandex provided me with a number of excellent corrections and filled in areas where my information was sparse. First of all, there are seven corresponding virtues, and he prays for them each morning. I worry about that boy. Anyone who is interested in The Bright Side has some serious problems that he's suppressing. Apparently church people really do concentrate on everything that is positive in life. This is why I never try to tell anecdotes pre-sobriety: my memory sucks. I sat in church year after year and have no recollection of anyone talking about virtues, unless it had to do with sex, which I wasn't getting any of anyhow, compounding the whole situation.

And there really are minor sins. They're called venial sins. I guess you can do these and get away with it. I couldn't find a list of venial sins, although I noted that deadly sins result in the complete separation from god and eternal damnation in hell, which doesn't sound like a good thing. And the number 7 corresponds to the 7 days in the week. Apparently there is a reason for the 7.

Also, I added jealousy to the list and left out something else, probably sloth.

Finally, a number of people pointed out that there are actually 10 Commandments, but not as many as you would think. Apparently I wasn't the only person daydreaming in church.



"Yeah?" I said loudly, forcefully, drawing myself up to my full height, voice starting to quiver with barely suppressed ire. "Maybe you want to back that up with some actual facts?" They were able to absolutely bury me in facts immediately. A huge number of facts.



"Well, I said. "Sure, those are the church commandments of which I realize there are 10. I was talking about the Horseface commandments. There are 12 of these and a few corollaries and two or three rules, including Rule 62. In fact, Commandment 11 is 'Get the %#$!! off my back.' "

Don't tell my mother that I said there were 12 Commandments.

1 comment:

Bobby said...

Following rules, much less the ones dictated by a religious entity, is not exactly what addicts do best. Even recovering addicts struggle on a daily basis to keep themselves in line. The point is, recovering addicts begin to make up their own rules to live by. They ultimately come up with their own set of commandments that they need to follow to stay sober. For them these rules become a matter of life and death.