Oops! Thanks! Gimme! Wow!

Praying Mantis: Any of a number of related long, slender insects with grasping, spiny forelegs often held together as if in prayer.

I read an essay on praying written by a skeptical atheist. This guy visited a number of different religious organizations, all of the main stream churches, before ending up at a country pentecostal type church. It was interesting to see how similar these groups were in their advice about effective praying. All of them stressed that praying was hard work that took a lot of practice. Work? Work? I hate work. I hate expending effort that doesn't provide quick, immediate results.

One leader said that prayers could be broken down into four groups: Oops! Wow! Thanks! and Gimme! I recalled my entry into A.A. and my initial struggles with praying, trying to throw off all of the old prejudices and rote memory exercises that meant nothing to me. My mentors suggested starting the day with Please! and ending it with Thanks! I couldn't argue semantics with that kind of advice.

Anyway, I thought the reporter would really tee off on the simple old Pentecostals. They are a pretty easy target for the cynical among us with all of their swaying and exaggerated facial expressions and brandishing of well worn Bibles. He spent some time talking to the kids at the church. He thought that they had a very simple and personal relationship with god. It ended up being his favorite church.

I have been giving short shrift to my praying lately. Praying is not nearly as sophisticated as meditating in the hip, slick, and cool world that I inhabit. But it was kind of cool listening to the kids talk about how they prayed: if they wanted something they asked for it; they frequently prayed for other people; they didn't seem to get too upset when things didn't go as expected.

My problem is that I pray AT things. God, gimme a Ferrari. God, gimme that guy's Ferrari because he doesn't deserve it. God, if you aren't going to give me that guy's Ferrari maybe he could have a minor accident -- nobody should get hurt, of course . . . too badly -- where there is extensive body damage. I get into trouble when I pray for specific results. And I think it's good technique to add that "if it's your will" disclaimer onto the end of the prayer, even though I don't mean it, obviously.

God, make my half-water Americano with unrefined sugar hot and delicious this morning.

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!