Complacent: Self-satisfied; smug.


Today I am going to be selfish.

Like I have to make a special effort to do that.

When I wake up in the morning my first thoughts are of my own well-being. I wonder how my day is going to go. My hope is that I get everything that I want: more money, more power, more sex. I especially hope to avoid as much discomfort as possible. My natural inclination is to pursue these ends at the expense of all other human relationships. I will, from time to time, think of others and wonder how they can help me attain my goals. Otherwise, I can't be bothered with their needs. I figure they are there to be of service to me, not the other way around.

The topic at my meeting last night was complacency. Someone wondered how to stay motivated once our lives start to turn around. This is typical alcoholic selfishness -- typical human being selfishness. When I'm OK, I don't need you. When I'm not, you should be there to help me out. I'm sure glad when I started to go to meetings that I met people who were having good days, laughing and happy and enjoying themselves. I don't think I would have stuck around very long if all I saw were pissed off alcoholics unloading the day's garbage.

In the little A.A. practice world I joined I learned how to pretend to be interested in other people. At some point, I found that this interest became genuine. I have no idea how it happened.

Not my natural state, caring about others.