Gimme The Ball

I have been in touch with Detox Girl a few times since she was released from the hospital and by "been in touch" I mean "I'm reaching out to her."  When SuperK and I were in the ER with her my wife told me that she felt like our prospect was oddly not as upset or horrified as she should be, that it felt like a case of yadda yadda yadda been there, done that.  This I needed to hear.  I think I was a little bit bedazzled at my contributions to this whole situation.  When Detox Girl was sharing some stories about her family and co-workers initially I found myself on her side completely.  Now I'm beginning to see that she might have burned so many bridges so many times that their reactions are the appropriate ones.  At first I was outraged that her ex was trying to gain sole custody of their children and that her mother was on the ex's side.  Now . . . I dunno.  A twenty-nine year old who needs a shot in the morning to stop the shakes?  Maybe not the best option for taking care of a two year old.

 I try to approach new people with the attitude that I may be providing the last little nudge that gets them into recovery while staying aware to the very real possibility that they may never sober up.  The answer, thankfully, is usually somewhere in between.  I'm in charge of the giving but I'm not in charge of the receiving.  I meditate daily on the concept of Unconditional Love - I can reach out to a new person with the flimsy reed of sobriety but I can't grasp it for them.  I try to stay aware of the success percentages in the recovery world.  I want to be of service as often as I can without becoming jaded over all the failures.  I'm giving to the new person and I'm the one who benefits, ultimately, most of the time, but I'm not giving because I expect something in return.  Still weird to verbalize this.

My sober friend who has been doing the heavy lifting in this drama has a very young son who plays T-Ball.  She says that when the ball is in play all of the boys try to get to it and they become very frustrated if someone else beats them to the punch.  She said once her son threw his mitt at the boy who got there first.  I'm still laughing about this.  Sounds like a bunch of alcoholics, doesn't it?  No concept of team work.  "He's on your team!"  "Fuck that - I want the ball!