The Lake of Fire

So we bought a new car to replace SuperK's ten year old model.  Just to be clear and upfront this is obviously going to be one of those stories where I bitch about a high-end problem.  Although now that I think about it that's really all I bitch about at this point on the new model.  Since we don't drive a lot we normally buy a slightly used car but we splurged this time.  If you've never had a new car it's a pretty cool experience as you get to drive around inhaling that great new car smell - which is actually toxic volatile chemicals off gassing from all the plastic in the interior - and wondering where the money is going to come from to pay for this extravagance that you spent a lot of money on and all it did was replace a perfectly good low mileage, dependable, used car.

We went to lunch yesterday and came back to the car to discover someone had backed into it and then drove off without leaving a note.  They almost backed directly into the temporary paper license plate affixed to the rear panel.  It looked like they were aiming for the temporary license plate.  I ascribed all kinds of malevolent intent to this incident.  Someone did this to me on purpose.  To me.  They weren't going to hit anyone's car until they saw it was my car which caused them to fly off into a murderous rage.  Intellectually I realize that someone was probably frightened by the damage and fled, maybe someone with little money and poor insurance, the fear overriding their internal sense of ethics, of right and wrong.  Boy, I know all about that.  While I understand that stuff like this can happen but how about giving me a fucking week before you damage my car?  But because I'm a kind, loving, understanding spiritual spirit guide I decided to downgrade my curse on this individual: I merely hope that they burn for all eternity on a Lake of Fire even though this category of transgression would permit me to toss in a devil or demon or two or three whose sole purpose would be to stick white hot needles into the genitals of the transgressor who is already burning for all eternity on a Lake of Fire.  Clearly, in my mind, the Lake of Fire treatment isn't quite harsh enough.  Granted, it does sound pretty awful but isn't it a passive kind of torture - you toss someone in the Lake of Fire and then you walk away?  How about some active, hands-on torture where the torturer can assess the situation and add additional torture if the Lake isn't causing enough suffering?  Relying on the Lake of Fire and the Lake of Fire only sounds kind of devil-lazy.  It's roughly akin to comparing a passive index mutual fund with an actively managed mutual fund.  Granted, the passive variety generally performs better but there's some comfort in knowing that someone is manipulating your money.  I say get some eyes-on-the-ground to amp up the torture when necessary.  Personally, I like hot weather so a Lake of Fire might not be as effective on me as it would be on SuperK who hates hot weather.  Tossing me into a big tub of ice water for all eternity actually sounds worse in my case.

There's a Simpson's episode where the whole family has been sentenced to hell and Grandpa is shown sitting smack dab in the middle of a big bonfire complaining that "I'm STILL cold."  That would be me.  I'd nudge the rheostat on the Lake of Fire to turn the heat up a little more.

While this flight of fancy is all kind of fun and hallucinatory the real message is that we're both okay emotionally, more or less.  I wish it hadn't happened and it's going to be a pain in the ass to remedy but I do have insurance and there are good body shops that can repair this minor damage and even if they couldn't/can't it's not like the car - the very nice car, very luxurious car - can't be driven.  A note.  A note would have been nice.  But as we worked through our emotions we did admit to the possibility that maybe the driver doesn't have insurance and doesn't have much money and was terrified at the consequences.  While this doesn't make it right it does add some perspective and perhaps make it more understandable.