What Should YOU do? Hmmmmm......

 I had a friend ask me why I thought about his interactions with a couple of guys that he's sponsoring.  Like I have a clue what he should do.  I spoke some vague generalities.  I'm out of the advice business.  I told him what I've done in the past and assured him that he would either do the right thing or he'd fuck up and learn something about himself.  He started smiling, tapped me on the arm, and said: "That's what I love about you - you never tell me what to do."  Repeating myself, saying the same thing over and over, being redundant  . . .  I really don't know what you should do.  Tell me how it goes.

In my home group the secretary announces at the conclusion of the meeting for anyone willing to be a sponsor to raise their hand, giving new people a selection to choose from.  I generally don't volunteer mostly because I'm gone so much, partially because I believe that sponsoring a new guy is a helpful task for newer people who have some time under their belt, and marginally because new people are annoying and I hate to waste any of my precious time on - let's face it - an individual who probably isn't going to get sober.  Nonetheless a new guy approached me after the meeting yesterday and asked me if I sponsor people: "I notice you don't raise your hand."  Jesus, Mary, and Joseph . . .  A friend once told me that he always asked what the person wanted to get out of the relationship as this let him gauge whether or not he could be helpful.  I never say no.  Bastards never follow up anyway and I don't chase people.  It's hard enough to get sober if you're really motivated.  If you're approaching this casually you're likely in for a hard ride.

I like this reminder: "The statute of limitations runs out on your family once you hit forty."  Your family is fine or they aren't and if they aren't they aren't going to change after forty years so let's move on, shall we?  SuperK has really been rounding a corner with her very dysfunctional family and it's making a big difference in her happiness quotient.   My family has been much easier to deal with but I, too,  needed to come to a realization long ago that I was the brown sheep of the family - not totally black but trending that way - and that these people pretty much left me alone.  I was never going to fit in.  After I got sober I took to heart the suggestion that I was to strive to love rather than to be loved so I spent some time reaching out to people who rarely reached out to me.  After a while I thought: "I've never been close to my sister.  Why would I think that would change now?"  We get along fine but we're not close.  It's OK.  If I reach out to her less frequently she's not going to be miserable.  She  probably won't notice it.  She'll probably feel less pressure to respond in kind.