I love literature meetings. You can be in a room full of idiots and still have a good meeting. Today we read the first few pages from Step 5 from the 12 & 12. It's quite the Step, that number 5. When I wrote my 4th Step it was the first time in my life that I tried to be honest about myself - hard enough but a piece of cake compared to talking about those things with another live human being. It's kind of like asking a girl out in front of a mirror as opposed to her standing right in front of you. It's a lot easier being hip, slick, and cool when you're talking to yourself.
Here's some tidbits . . . "Unconsciously seeking relief, alcoholics sometimes accuse even their best friends of the very character defects they themselves were trying to conceal. They always discovered that relief never came by confessing the sins of other people. Everybody had to confess his own."
Whenever I hear someone pointing out the bad behavior of another I inevitably see that very same defect in the bitching person.
"What are we likely to receive from Step 5? For one thing, we shall get rid of that terrible sense of isolation we've always had. Almost without exception, alcoholics are tortured by loneliness. Even before our drinking got bad and people cut us off, nearly all of us suffered the feeling that we didn't quite belong. There was always that mysterious barrier we could neither surmount nor understand."
Torture: Inflict severe pain or suffering on. Suffer: To endure death, pain, or distress. Terrible: Extremely or distressingly bad or serious.
As a word guy I love the excess in Bill W's writing. He uses such graphic words. I am reminded to ponder just how alone I was when I came into Alcoholics Anonymous. I always felt like I got to the school after the books were passed out. Everyone seemed to have skills and knowldge and coping mechanisms that I didn't have. Every now and then I'll see a bit of a cricket match. I have absolutely no idea what's going on in a game of cricket. It's as if someone said: "Seaweed! We need a double sticky wicket! Fungoe the ball into the third quadrant!" One of the greatest gifts of A.A. is the feeling of belonging that I have. I'm part of something. A dubious something, sure, but at least I'm on the inside. That sense of isolation! Goddamn, was that awful
"Another great dividend we may expect from confiding our defects to another human being is humility - a word often misunderstood."
Humility: A modest view of one's own importance. Humiliation: Make someone feel ashamed or foolish by injuring their dignity and self-respect, especially in public.
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