Tradition Ten

 Tradition Ten:  "Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the A.A. name ought never be drawn into public controversy."

We had a spirited discussion on this Tradition today.  There was a general consensus that alcoholics have an objectionable need to find objectionable qualities in other people so that we can be properly pissed off about something.  We're looking for objectionable qualities so that we can be disagreeable.  We do this a lot more readily than attempting to find comity.  I've always said that if you put me in a room with 19 people I like and 1 I do not I'll spend 80% of my mental attention focusing on the asshole (Ed. Note: Technically I'm the asshole but for the purposes of discussion . . . .).

There must be some evolutionary reason for what I see as a very human tendency to look for fault and devalue agreement.  I see this as a very human quality and not one unique to alcoholics . . . although we take it to an art form . . . like we do with everything, good or bad.  But with A.A., an organization that is saving my life, I have to be very wary about dipping into outside issues.  There are people with whom I disagree about every social, moral, and political issue imaginable who have also said and done things that helped me tremendously in my recovery and in my spiritual growth.  I have to make sure I don't let the outside issues crowd out the recovery issue.  I always bring up Kenner, my A.A. sponsor of 25 years.  This man was more important to me than my own blood father and this after a very contentious couple of years where we got into a heated argument every time we spoke on the phone.  I'm glad I didn't let his opinions on religion and politics get in the way of his experience in recovery or I would have missed out on what ended up being one the five most important relationships in my entire life.

I've also shared the story about flicking on the TV after a long business trip and seeing all the chaos and explosions marking the start of the first Gulf War.  I was fairly new in sobriety and very upset by the images.  It was dark and cold and my wife was out of town so there I was, in my dirty work clothes, tired, holding the TV remote looking at War.  I skipped dinner and took off for a favorite A.A. meeting where I was sure we'd hash the whole issue out.  Instead, we had an A.A. meeting.  I was flabbergasted.  It was one of the most grounding experiences I've ever had.

I also believe that the lessons I learn in pursuing peace and serenity in A.A. have helped me a lot in The Real World.  I can keep controversy out of my life in many cases if I so choose.  I don't have to go looking for an argument or a fight.  I can concentrate on areas of agreement, on what I see as favorable qualities, instead focusing on what I don't like

You love someone for who they are and not who you want them to be.