Tell 'Em

I was taught this little catchphrase when I was starting out as a sales-guy: "Tell them what you're going to tell them; tell them; then tell them what you told them."  The most important part of my job was the communication between me as the supplier and my customer as the end-user.  I could have the best product in the world - a miracle product that would solve his problem - but if I didn't communicate that to him and find out what his worries and objections were I was shit out of luck.  The smaller part of this equation was that sometimes I didn't explain myself well enough and I needed to clear up the confusion, but the biggest obstacle was that often the customer simply wasn't listening: he had something that he wanted to say and this need was overriding his interest in listening and, if he wasn't hearing to what I was saying, I could be speaking in ancient Aramaic.  I got very good at picking up these clues - I could see the slightly pursed lips, the 1000 yard stare, the impatience dancing in someone's eyes, and I knew that I had to pause the conversation to allow him to say what he wanted to say - and often it was superfluous bullshit that had nothing to do with the matter at hand or that I hadn't had a chance to get to yet - or I had no chance in promoting my solution.

The point here is that when I'm in an A.A. meeting I really take my time when I'm speaking so I say what I want to say; moreover, I make sure that I'm not letting any ulterior motives leak out.  It's easy to let a barely perceptible bit of snark escape my lips, convinced that I'm getting a subliminal message across without revealing whatever bias or beef that I have.  I'm really being careful right now in these hyper-polarized times.  When I was a kid growing up in the 60s and early 70s it was the liberals who had the market cornered on self-righteous indignation and smug certainty, always eager to take the offensive on any social or political issues, and today I see that the conservatives have assumed this mantle.  I'm not picking on one side or the other, either, just making the point that it's easy to try to send a message.  Sometimes it's blunt and sometimes it's all covered up as a musing or idle concern but once it's out there it's out there.  I can be as subtle as I can possibly be about my opinion on a sensitive topic but there are going to be people who pick it up and it's going to color their perception of what I say as I go on from here.

These are more musings about the political tinge that A.A. has taken on.  Really, that almost everything has taken on - alcoholics don't have the market cornered on fucking things up.  If you have political leanings on one side or the other and you attend a barbecue by a civic organization from across the aisle you're going to be uncomfortable even if the chatter is about the local baseball team or next week's weather - the political bias is assumed.  It doesn't have to be spoken directly.  I know from the little "wonderings" or "musings" I've heard from the people who broke off to start an in-person meeting that they have a strong message they're trying to get across.  And, as I've said, in other groups that now have an in-person presence, groups where I don't have the baggage of knowing anyone's political bent, I could care less that they're meeting in-person.  None of my business and good for them.