And What Then?

Problem:  A difficulty that has to be resolved or dealt with.

I had another long conversation with The Internal Revenue Service today.  I capitalized "The" because I don't want anyone to think I was talking to "the" Internal Revenue Service or - worse yet - "A" Internal Revenue Service.  This was the big one, the real deal, the I. R. of S.  This was no faux IRS.

As a general observation I have to say that both conversations have been . . . not unpleasant.  The two women I've talked to have been personable and polite, eager to help, pleased when they've been able to reduce my tax liability.  I go out of my way to be kind to these civil servants.  They're not the IRS - they work for the IRS - and it's not their fault that I fucked up my taxes.  Why would I give them a hard time?  Hardly seems fair.

Anyway, I've managed to whittle the tax bill down to about half of the original amount.  Because the number is greater than zero it's still too much but at this point I think it's accurate; i.e., I owe this amount.  Again, part of the problem was that I figured my taxes incorrectly and part of the problem was that the IRS calculated the bill incorrectly simply because they didn't have the correct information.

At the meeting today we talked about dealing with problems.  Ha.

I know that when I first opened the original letter and saw that huge figure I was frightened, so I did what any self-respecting, red-blooded male would do: I got angry.  I started pulling out tax documents and forms and papers, rustling them around, searching incoherently, darting this way and feinting that, with no plan or purpose, looking for facts that would allow me to weasel out of this amount.  After a few minutes I did what I usually do - went out, sat in the sun for ten minutes, and calmed the fuck down.  Step two was to imagine the worst possible outcome - that I owed the full amount, no matter how implausible and unlikely this would be, and sit with that possibility for a minute.  When I realized that I would still be alive if this were the case then - and only then - am I able to move ahead in a coherent fashion. 

Once I told my sponsor about a horrible possibility.  He asked me what was the worst thing that could happen.  After I told him he asked: "And what then?"

It was a good question.