I absolutely love it when my assumptions about things are challenged, especially my assumptions about recovery. I say all the time that if you're happy and you're sober then keep doing what you're doing - I can't improve on that. I say this, mind you, when what I mean is "Do it my way. The right way." My LSD-using sober guy has me looking closely at the difference between what I say and what I believe.
I share this fact about my recovery all of the time: I quit drinking and smoking weed because it was killing me, not because I wanted to quit. I liked to drink and use drugs. I liked the excitement and the adrenaline, the camaraderie that exists between people who are tearing it up. I liked trying new types of alcohol and new drugs, going to different bars, living on the edge. I still get a thrill looking down the beer aisle at the grocery store, aware that it's the biggest, baddest aisle there.
I share the fact that if I could get away with it and have the quality of life that I have now I'd be in my car driving to the nearest convenience store to buy beer, and then heading down to the bad part of town to buy whatever drugs were currently on special. I mean, c'mon, if the consequence-free choice is going to bed at nine and reading a book until I fall asleep or standing in the corner of a bar at 3AM, drunk, high, listening to some band blow out hard rock . . . That's no choice - that's a slaughter.
I told my guy: "Hey, I'm a fan." I wish I had the ability to use drugs and not have it lead to more drugs and then to alcohol and . . . and . . . and . . .
Been there - done that. Not a workable solution for old Seaweed.
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