Seaweed - Sargent At Arms

So I've been elected as sort of a Sargent At Arms enforcer-of-the-rules type guy at my morning meeting.  The vote, in an extremely small quorum of just me, was One "Aye," Zero "Nays," and Fifty "Not Presents."  Hooray for me!  It's unanimous again!  Everyone wants me to run the show!

I'd like to say that I've gotten more bitchy and crotchety as I've gotten older but that would be inaccurate - I've always been pretty bitchy.  What has happened is that I'm much more comfortable running my mouth when I don't like what's going on because I don't really care that much what people think about me anymore.  From people-pleaser to dick, the transformation is complete.  I'm glad I come across as mild-mannered and easy-going - another huge deception successfully completed - so I don't have a lot of forceful enemies.  At least as far as I can tell.  I haven't gotten beaten up after a meeting yet.  At least as far as I can tell.

That being said I do take some responsibility for what goes on in a meeting.  This is, I think, I hope, a thing I can bring to the group.  We have unspoken rules of courtesy and procedure that need to be enforced from time to time and who better to do it but me? Because I've been around a while I've seen a lot of stuff go on that should have been stopped long before it went on for too long but wasn't, and I'm not often in the mood to let it go on.

"OK, I've seen this before," I say to myself, before shushing someone or escorting an unruly person out of the meeting.

This morning it was cell phone usage during the meeting.  It's hard for me to believe that this rude behavior needs to be commented upon but cell phones are like second legs for some of us and some of us are new enough in our adult lives to forget that we have to behave like adults.

I sat in the back row at the meeting, which I rarely do.  There were three chairs wedged into this little wedgey area and a couple of guys I know well joined me, and both of them promptly started fucking around on their phones.  Now let's remember that it's 7AM and let's also point out that one of these guys is single and retired, and the other is a largely incompetent real estate guy who almost certainly doesn't have anything important going on in the real estate world at 7AM, not a prime real estate time even for the competent real estate professional.  

One dude ceased and desisted not long after the meeting began; the other dude hung in there through the ceremonial readings - which annoyed me but didn't fall into the outrageously egregious behavior category - but then he hung in there when people began to share. 

I leaned in: "Maybe you should try listening," I suggested, in a whisper.

He leaned towards me: "Maybe you should take care of what's right here," he said, gesturing vaguely in my direction.

OK, fair enough.  My experience when I point out rude behavior to other people is that they're really not . . . you know . . . interested in having me run their lives.  I really don't care about this.  They can go tell their mamas if they don't like it.  They - to a man - have responded angrily, which tells me that I've hit a sore spot.  When someone has a reason for behaving a certain way I get an explanation - when they're not behaving very well and I've pointed this out, I generally get this generic "Fuck off" response.  Don't get me wrong - I get a little hot under the collar for a second but I'm off to something else quickly.

My friend sat quietly for a minute and then disappeared for most of the meeting, reappearing at the end, but sitting down across the room, far from me.

"I think I pissed off Cell Phone Boy," I remarked to my other friend after the meeting broke up.

"Oh, well, he'll get over it," he replied, before adding sheepishly: "I was guilty myself there for a while."

So, good.  He got it.  Don't be rude.  I bet he doesn't text in a meeting again if he's in my line of sight.

I talked to the pissed off guy after the meeting: "We OK?" I said.  He was transfixed by an empty bookcase at the time.  He assured me everything was fine before going into a long litany of reasons as to why his behavior was unusual, that all kinds of important and upsetting things were happening at the moment that required his immediate attention. 

I didn't point out that he could have stepped outside for a minute.  I didn't point out that - with a couple of years sobriety - he could miss the occasional meeting to attend to important affairs. 

I didn't point out that if he wasn't fine I didn't care.