On To Step Two

I have spent enough time on Step 1 - addressing my obsession with my health and well-being which has opened up a Pandora's Box type scenario vis-a-vis my compulsive exercising which unfortunately opened my eyes to an on-going, never-changing nightmare scenario that is my caffeine and sugar addiction -  so I'm moving on to Step 2.  I don't mean to suggest that I've actually gotten any relief on these things, an indication that I've worked Step 1 successfully,  but - as you can see - I'm afraid if I linger any longer that I'm going to find more shit to not work on.  I can only fail at three things at a time.  Any more than that and I feel like a failure.

I like that our Steps are filled with vague verbs.  We make decisions and become willing and humbly ask and come to believe.  I don't think that I would have been all-in if there were a lot of hard, declarative words.  There's a lot of slop room in The Steps.  It's a Program for people who half-ass things.

Can you imagine Moses coming down from the mountain with the Ten Commandments if god knew he had to gear things to alcoholics?

1. It's good to admit that it's not cool to worship any other gods.
2. Try not to make any idols; if you do decide to make some idols try not to make too many.
3. Make a decision to curse less.  Trend obscene and scatological if you can't resist, and not when there are any kids around.  You know, god damning someone is heavy stuff.  It would be better to just call them a shithead.
4. It would be great if you could remember the Sabbath.  It's a pretty important day - in fact, it's my day dedicated to . . . you know . . . worshiping me.  With all your heart and soul and mind.  Go to church 2/3rds of the time, if you can.  At least show up on Easter and Christmas, for christ's sake.
5. Be entirely ready to listen when your mother and father speak.  
6. You're still killing people?  Really?  Are you kidding me?  Do I really have to suggest that you stop killing other people?
And so on and so forth with the last four . . . 

Our real Step 2 - Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity - takes some time to detail the different ways that we convince ourselves that we can't believe in a higher power.  The four categories, roughly speaking are: those of an agnostic and/or atheistic bent; the believer who has lost his faith; the skeptic who can only see the hypocrisy in religion while completely ignoring the good found therein; and the guy who is just too smart to have to find a power greater than himself.

Well, three out of four for me.  I'm a good alcoholic - I do everything to excess.

Defy: To refuse to obey; to not conform to or follow a pattern, set of rules, or expectations.

"As psychiatrists have often observed, defiance is the outstanding characteristic of many an alcoholic."  There's also something about a greedy child making an impossible list for Santa Claus.  It's never a good thing when Santa Claus is referenced in a discussion about my behavior.

After I read Step 2 this morning I felt better about my first Step work.  It's a kind and vague Step, conceding powerlessness and unmanageability.  None of us were immediately freed from all thoughts of drinking or able to see every area in our lives hounded by a lack of control.  We did our best with it, lingered a bit, then moved on.

Here's a promise: ". . . we saw them meet and transcend their other pains and trials.  We saw them calmly accept impossible situation, seeking neither to run or recriminate.  This was not only faith; it was faith that worked under all conditions.