33,000,000 Gods

Monotheism:  The belief in a single deity (one god or goddess.)

I wonder if I've spent so much time trying to break the mold because I grew up in one of the three big monotheistic religions?  One huge, big, bad god who ran the entire show with an iron fist. I hate being told what to do and I hate hate authority figures, especially people in charge whose competence or ethics I question.  Which is almost everyone.  The idea that some human being can spend a lot of time studying a great but flawed text, one that was modified over and over during the last 2000 years, sometimes by people with less than honorable intentions and definitely self-serving motives, can stand up in a raised dais and tell me with great certainty that this is what god meant.  I dunno.  Sounds like a stretch to me. Who the fuck are you, anyway?

I also wonder if some of the fear and negativity comes from having to make the choice between Good and Evil, Right or Wrong, Heaven or Hell.  Jesus H. Christ on a stick, my choice is an eternity of bliss or unimaginable agony forever?  C'mon.  Meet me halfway.  What if I just fuck up a little sometimes - I still get to have a million demons prodding my mucous membranes with white-hot needles forever?  Wow, that is harsh, dude.  That's like saying your destiny is no cookies or a world comprised entirely of cookies.  Can't I have a couple of cookies after dinner?

Want an anxious child?  Threaten a four year old with eternal damnation, dispensed by an unseen and totally humorous being.  

"There is no absurdity so palpable but that it may be firmly planted in the human head if you only begin to inculcate it before the age of five, by constantly repeating it with an air of great solemnity."  - Arthur Schopenhauer

You have to do it this way or you're doing it wrong.

Says who?  Says you?  I don't think so.

I've had the opportunity to travel to some areas of the world where the rules are a good bit more relaxed.  There are 33,000,000 gods in Hinduism, for god's sake.  Tell me I couldn't find a pretty custom-made-for-Seaweed god in that mix, and I don't think anyone could say with a straight face: "This is what god wants you to do."  Which one?  And those big, fat, goofy-faced Buddhas - they don't look like they're on board with the idea of an eternity of pain as punishment for the frailty inherent in the human condition.  The Eastern temples and churches are really fun and happy, brightly lit and festively decorated affairs.  The alters are piled high with all kinds of odd crap.  The people visiting the temples look happy.  

People in my church looked constipated.  I guess if you're being threatened with eternal damnation it takes the fun out of the whole process.  Faith seems to be a warning, not a promise.  The idea of heaven being a very pleasant place paled in comparison to an eternity of suffering.  THAT got my attention, the suffering part.  The altar was sterile - candles, a bouquet of flowers, some flatware and a big mug of wine that we all drank out of.  And above the altar was a cross that represented death by crucifixion, some faiths actually leaving the god impaled with nails and a crown of thorns hanging right up there.  No wonder I was terrified of everything.

Now, I'm not an idiot or at least I'm not always an idiot.  I realize I'm presenting all of this with a jaded, jaundiced eye.  I realize many people don't see these things in such a negative light but then again many people aren't me with my chemical imbalance and my scared mother and angry father, full of the residue of alcohol and illicit drugs even on a Sunday morning.

Do you know how hard it is to kneel for five minutes without retching when you've got a good hangover working?