Getting the Flu

Sick: Having an urge to vomit (Ed Note: I am not making this up - first definition); in poor health.

It's flu season.  Sometimes I get the flu and sometimes I don't but here's the important thing to remember: If I get it I'm sure I'm going to die.

You can probably surmise that I got the flu this year.  I'd like to say that I've just been normal sick but I've been sick.  Sick sick.  Fucking sick.  And while I realize that getting the flu shot is no guarantee that you're not going to get the flu I'm miffed that I got the flu shot and got the flu anyhow.  It's not like I enjoy having my skin punctured with needles.  I don't black out anymore but please, go puncture someone else's skin unneccessarily.

The real irritation is listening to all of the non-scientific, conspiracy-theory types explain why they don't get the flu shot.  If you don't believe science, fine - none of my business.  But please don't tell me - when I'm sick with the flu - that I wouldn't have gotten the flu if I had dispensed with the flu shot.  You are just making shit up.  If I get the flu shot and get the flu and you don't get the flu shot and don't get the flu there is absolutely nothing causal there.  You have proved nothing except that a virus is a sneaky, tirelessly mutating little fucker.

For a guy who has been depressed and upset about a loss of youth and function getting sick is definitely not the way to go.  It is validating all of the worst outcome possibilities that have been lurking and creeping about in my brain.  If you want to maintain the illusion of youth and vigor and vitality getting the flu is not going to help things.

When I get sick the first thought that comes into my head is this: "I want to call my mom."

The flu was bad enough - the resulting sinus infection was simply a mucoidal icing on the cake.  A colored, thick icing, tinged with blood.  And because my mama has abandoned me in my time of need I had no other options except to research my illness on The Internet.  You know the drill: you look up your symptoms and match them with the worst possible disease that you can find, and you can find some bad diseases.  Internet sites that specialize in disease know that you want to find something bad.  They also know that making people think they have contracted a terrible disease drives traffic to their web site so they can sell you all kinds of unnecessary things.  If your number one answer to an inquiry from a guy with a sinus infection is "Ah, quit bitching - you'll be OK in a couple of weeks" you're not going to have a lot of page views.

If you get a cold you can take all kinds of medicines and you'll get better in seven days, give or take.  Or you can lay low, rest up, and you'll be OK in about a week.

My first inclination when I knew I had a sinus infection was to decide I needed Antibiotics!! The panicky sites confirmed this - the measured, scientific sites were less encouraging.  They point out that sinus infections are caused by viruses - not bacteria - which means antibiotics are totally ineffective.  They suggest that most infections clear up on their own in a week to two weeks, and that allowing your body to fight off a relatively non-threatening illness can be a good thing as it strengthens your immune system.  And there I was, on day three, ready to pull out all of the stops.

I am not a patient man.