Various Departments

I received an update this morning - early this morning - from the Visa application center from hell.  They seem to enjoy sending distressing notes out at times when a response is impossible.  It almost seems willfully cruel.  Our documents remain unaccounted for so the employee from hell has forwarded our inquiry to something called the Concerns Department.  Our stuff was being pondered by the Escalation Department before.  It's hard to tell if this new department is a better department to be in.  At one point the responses came from the Incomplete Documents Department.  They seem to have a lot of departments devoted to correcting mistakes.  I bit my tongue and didn't suggest that they get the Find My Fucking Passport Department involved. It would seem to be the most appropriate department to engage at this point.

So we wait.

I called my sponsor this morning.  He is in pain until he takes some pain medication at which point he drifts away.  I feel like I'm sitting in his room holding his hand.  He talked a little today but mostly he wandered around lost, throwing out comments about whatever was on The TV or offering general expressions of discomfort - this from a guy who never complains about anything except the government, a very popular thing to complain about.  I told him a few stories - mundane stuff that he seemed to enjoy, maybe because it takes his mind off of the pain he's feeling.  He has been trying to meditate and pray but it's hard because of the pain.  He said that yesterday he was thinking about god's love and was struck by the enormity of this love and our almost total inability to grasp even a tiny part of it.

One of my favorite meditations involves a visualization of a scene that includes both a night sky full of stars and a large, well-lit city, full of people.  My attention is directed back and forth between the two conflicting images - the idea is to wonder at the beauty and power of limitless nature while imagining how connected one is with all of the life here on earth.  I was struck by how similar my sponsor's images were to mine.

And here's the bad thing - the conversation took longer than I thought is was going to take.  I had something that I wanted to do - some stupid, crap thing - and my brain was urging me to finish up with my friend and move into my day.  I knew how selfish this was even as I was fighting off the distraction.

I did not move into my day.  I sat down, with my earplugs in, closed my eyes, and sat with my friend until he asked to be excused.