This is SO Vexing

Frustrate:  To disappoint or defeat; to vex by depriving of something expected or desired.

I have a dear old friend that I've kept in touch with over the years, often having philosophical talks about life and The Big Picture.  I've tried to pass along the tenor of the stuff I've learned in The Program without getting too preachy or self-righteous.  This dude is often frustrated by life - aren't we all? - but doesn't have the spiritual tools to deal with these frustrations like we Program People do.  He's a very disciplined man in most aspects but still, I can't adequately convey the message that spiritual development is all about the practice. There are so many things that don't display progress when I look at them short-term - the very same things I don't want to practice because I can't see the easy progress.  "This is a waste of time," I mutter.

Here is our latest exchange:

Friend: Money is about keeping score, at this point, in the lives of big-time business people, isn't it?  And the more the money, the more the focus.  Like the difference between a penny-ante poker game and the World Series of Poker.  The same with power.  In my career, I got somewhat proximate to Big Power... never to Big Money.  I was very cautious around it.  It seemed to me that it could burn you to a crisp if you miscalculated or misunderstood it.  But there was no denying its fascination.  And, I also learned, that there is nothing easier than appearing modest if you have power or are riding in the sidecar with power.  What is harder is to show dignity and generosity when you are in a lesser position, a position of supplicant, a position of underling.   

I don't think there was anything in the way of my spiritual development when I was working full-tilt.  I have found that retirement offers no opportunity for spiritual development that wasn't available to me when I was working full-tilt.  The one thing that retirement has definitely offered to me, in terms of spiritual development, is unsought, unasked-for, unwanted challenges of trauma, disappointment and confusion.  I am well read enough, of course, to know that many philosophers and Bodhisattvas would respond to that by saying: "Oh, how excellent!  Exactly the signs that your retirement is going to bear fruit."

Me: Ah, yes, the frustration of life.  As I'm sure I mentioned many times before I think The Program has taken the simple, ancient spiritual principles of "Seek god - Serve others" and made them applicable to drunks.  It's certainly not new stuff.  So I ask myself at the end of each day: "Have I attempted to grow spiritually - in a way that makes sense to me - and have I sought to be someone who is thinking about others instead of obsessing about myself?"  I set the bar low - a crappy session of meditation is a good effort.  Did I smile at the clerk at the gas station?  Did I say something welcoming to someone at a meeting that I may or may not like?  Did I make dinner for my wife even though I didn't want to?  Am I putting myself in a position to make life better for others rather than thinking about how they, the world, the cosmos, could make life better for ME?  It's hard, of course - we're all self-centered by nature and looking to satisfy our own instinctual demands.  Each minute that I spend trying to get what I want and trying to avoid what I don't want is a minute that I'm overlooking all the good in my life and failing to appreciate how my difficulties are leading me to someplace I need to be, even though I may not want to be there.  The guys I hung with when I was getting sober would counter my never-ending stream of bitching about the unfairness of life by saying: "You've been running the show for 30 years - how's that been working out for you?"

I probably have shared this section from one of our main books, one that really resonated with me, that put a practical bent on the ancient spiritual principles: "The chief activator of our defects has been self-centered fear - primarily fear that we already possessed or would fail to get something we demanded.  Living upon a basis of unsatisfied demands, we were in a state of continual disturbance and frustration.  Therefore, no peace was to be had unless we could find a means of reducing these demands.  The difference between a demand and a simple request is plain to anyone."

I do love these books.