Point - Counter Point

Potential:  Existing in possibility, not in actuality.

My friend Little Westside Jonny bought a new car recently.  He researched it to death and drove a couple of salespeople right up to the brink of insanity if what he's telling me is true, no sure thing.  However, this is not the point.  The point is not what he may or may not have done to innocent car salespeople or how accurate, truth-wise, his accounting of the events may be but rather that he bought a car that he had thoroughly researched, driven more than once, and sought expert counsel on, and still experienced buyer's remorse for a couple of days.

"That sounds about right," I remarked, an expert in buyer's remorse myself.

As I may have mentioned we have been doing some work on our home.  The guys doing the work are good friends from The Program, guys who are working away on The Steps and the principles of recovery, guys I trust.

I ask myself this: why, then, do I suspect that they are lying, cheating pieces of #$!!?

I answer this-a-way: Because money is involved, a lot of money in my little world.  There are a couple of things that have really stuck in my craw consistently over the years, and one of them has been money.  I can't explain why.  I have enough money to be comfortable.  I've been hosed out of my money almost never.  I don't begrudge the wages I'm paying these men.  I can afford the work that they're doing, and doing very well.  My Higher Power put me in jobs that I never, ever would have thrived in had I continued to drink and drug.

Still . . . . something HAS to be amiss.

As the job was nearing completion a couple of complications came up that definitely cost me some money and had the potential to cost me more money.  I paid the definite money - it seemed reasonable - I balked at the potential money - it did not.  Now mind you the potential money was just that - potential.  In the future, maybe.  Not yet fact except in my twisted and diseased mind.

What I do is what I always do: begin a series of hypothetical discussions, arguments, and conflicts in my mind.  No one is there but me - me, talking to someone who is not there, over and over and over I go, rehashing facts and theories, parrying thrusts, developing counterpoints, coming to a reasonable conclusion sometimes and sometimes ruining a friendship over a few dollars.  All in my mind.  All upstairs, a tempest in a teapot.

What happened is what usually happens: nothing.  My friend asked for no extra money.  I am trying not to lie when I say that I spent 3 or 4 hours having this discussions with myself, preparing for something that never happened.

Good use of my time, yes?