My main man Willie is on the move again. Apparently he's taken a liking to moving a bunch of times for reasons that are dubious at best. There's nothing as relaxing as buying and selling houses, packing up all of your crap and moving it a long distance, all while ripping out well-established roots with violence and prejudice, and then trying to fit in someplace new, all while doubting and second-guessing the whole sorry enterprise.
Here's the thing: everywhere I got there I am! The Men living inside my head are hot on my trail. That's one reason I don't try to get too perfect with anything - I know I'm going to be just as unhappy in short order.
It's all very upsetting and all very exciting. I like exciting. I hate upsetting. Can't figure out how to cleave the two asunder. I believe, regrettably, that upsetting can be controlled. I cling to the belief that I can make the upset go away as long as I manage the things well. The idea that I can bargain away all emotional pain, psychic pain, is as ridiculous as believing that I can escape physical pain. I can't bash my own thumb with a hammer - primarily because I'm forbidden to own a hammer or any other tools that can bash, cut, or pierce - and "manage" my way out of the pain. I can deal with it appropriately but it's going to be with my for a while.
Doesn't stop me from trying.Ba
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